so my daughter says : Mommy, when people call me ugly I get sad and hug them because I know how hard life can be for the visually impaired..

What's the difference between love and lust?

love is spitting, lust is swallowing and showing off is gargling!

Hey just an fyi guys if your girl is okay with anal sex that probably means you have a small penis

The wedding night should be like a good chicken meal

- a nibble on the breast

- a nibble of the leg

- and a lot of stuffing

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

‎1f u c4n r34d 7h15 u r34lly n33d t0 g3t 0ff 7h3 c0mpu73r 8^)

Some of you I swear should write for fortune cookies

Q. Define "Egghead:"
A. What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

I think I'm gonna make a fav star list of people I wanna bang.. is that inappropriate???

I would just like to say thank you to all my new followers.. I'm may not always tweet but like big brother I'm always watching.

I love it when guys say "I am a breast guy" I always want to say "thats okay because I'm a Dick girl"

U know it's been a good night when u throw up in your mouth a little

More Racists: @pukingvagina, @shelly_smyth, @trevor_ryland, @michellebrosam, @fort_krut17, @demikeely, @gabedutch, @cowboykolton

I unfollow people who talk about their stupid cats... Nobody wanted to know that your cat likes to eat the peanut butter out of your twat!

My phones vibrator is really strong. need everyone to start tweeting all at once... Lets ware this m-f'er down!!!!

OH shit folks.. I forgot its.. HUMP day!!! just need to throw this out there... I am looking for a long-term humping partner...

Before Twitter, I was ashamed of the bad thoughts in my head but you guys changed all that!

Wow I had NO idea that made a holiday about my boobs.. that is so kind of them.

Hey skinny dudes.... What's up with the ugly attitudes???

AND yet more RACISTS: @mlewandowski02, @_zackkmillerr, @staylormade95, @davmoods, @riseagain2012 and @nickygee02