"No, I do not make out with random guys at parties because I don't go to parties because I hate people"

Bought my father large quantities of meat and alcohol for father's day. That should keep him happy for awhile.

Wish I had a sign that said "Reading. Do not disturb." Oh wait. That's a book. Take notice world.

Please continue to walk around the coffee shop and talk loudly on your phone like you're at home. I'd love to hear more about your email.

So I'm really happy I still have not one but two copies of Office 97. You know, just in case.

Yes computer, I enjoy being told that as an admin I will need permission from an admin to perform this task. Thank you oh so fucking much.

I think I'm just going to stare at this light until I see God.

My father just texted me from my brother's band concert to inform me that there are no sparkly belts and he was very disappointed.

Just because I say "I don't know" does not mean that I care to learn. I probably don't know because I really just don't give a shit.

New game for my roommate: try to find a cute cat picture I haven't seen. She has yet to win.

I think I just saw LMFAO. Certainly no one else dresses like that right?

Judging by the posters on my wall this room is either inhabited by a 10 year old girl or a sex starved middle aged woman.

Mentally preparing myself for the disaster that will be my dad interacting with people tomorrow.

My friends are interrupting my "me time". And by "me time" I mean the time where I swear at my computer and talk to myself.

Quote to myself tonight: " I am a genius. Well, not really. But I can pretend." I can't even be nice to myself when I'm talking to myself...

It's always a good situation when you have to send a text saying "Do you remember telling me that you were a giraffe last night?"

I have found where they keep the zombies.

Even my Sims have obsessive routines.

Is it bad that I honestly don't remember what I did this weekend but I know it was nothing exciting?

Do not bother. I'm fighting a dragon.