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Having a decent time in Florida. Mom tossing back the brews at Applebee's. She loved her shrimp, which was chicken. 86 is the new 86.
I thought four days with my mother was exhausting, but it's NOTHING compared to listening to "businessman speak" at the airport.
Diet and exercise alone won't prevent overdraft fees.
Got a "beneficiary" reminder from my 403b. Close to perpetual bachelorhood & an unlikely breeder, so what to do? Charity or up my nose?
If cats are so clean, how come you can tell the one in your lap is the one that's come straight from Clump City?
Saying, "Excuse me" when sneezing in front of the cats is the same thing as full stop & directional signal at intersection, 3 AM. Practice.
On the other hand, being too broke for my midnight pizza & sausage roll medley means I don't wake up with a parahangover. #toooldforthis
Hey! Leave some mystery for the autopsy.
I had no idea a person could be so infuriating you could strain your voice texting them.
I'm a man of little ambition. But determined to live long enough for my Netflix Queue to move "Lost" 6 from "Very Long Wait" to "Now."
Upon realizing I came downstairs without a hanky, gave out with an un-selfconscious "Dadburnit!"
Not having a pen is for chumps.
"Twilight in Turkey." The Raymond Scott Quintette in 1961! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWsSPFD6yks&sns=tw … via @youtube
I was too drunk, then too old, to be a parent, making me a member of the "Open Faced Sandwich Generation."
Woke up inexplicably cute.
Some bridges could benefit from burning.
Most people don't give much thought to how funny they are. Of those that do, most are 43% as funny as they think they are. Maybe.
When not in the jungle searching for herbal remedies, I'm the host of The Big Broadcast on 90.7 WFUV-FM in New York.