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[spelling bee, year 2035]
Moderator: *sigh* Definition - make dem boys go loco
N. Korea: "we have nukes."
Obama: "WE HAVE A HULK."
Farrah from Teen Mom is releasing a sex tape, which is pretty much a prequel to Teen Mom, which should pretty much be called "Teen Hooker."
I LIKE THIS NEW KANYE WEST FONT
*Drake picks Lil Wayne up off a skateboard by his waist. Nicki Minaj grabs the board. Flips it. Drake places him back on the board safely*
Why are they flying this kid back to SC on a private jet? Fire him out of a canon. Catapult him like the Wile E Coyote. Fuck this kid.
Weird how Boy Scouts never allowed openly gay boys to join 'til now considering how literally nothing is gayer than Boy Scouts.
Happy find-out-what-everyone's-mom-looks-like-on-Facebook Day!
To clarify any confusion, Texas Toast is just regular toast holding a gun.
Memorable tour moment
Mark, on stage: "I'm gonna watch my language up here cuz I see some kids in the crowd"
Dude in the crowd: "FUCK EM!"
*gets captured by ISIS leader* "we either cut ur head off or strap u to a chair inside a guitar center, u deci--" "cut my fucking head off"
BF: You hang up first.
GF: No YOU hang up first.
BF: no, YOU.
NSA: *click* *dial tone*
Ex-Box One is what Taylor Swift calls the box in her basement that she plans on keeping Joe Jonas' dead body in.
I'm 24 years old. I am an American. I'm fully eligible to vote. I owe $9 to the public library in overdue fees for a book about lizards.
*hands waiter a credit card w/ Charizard Pokemon card glued to the front*
ME: put it on my CHARGE-ZARD card
WAITER: I see why ur here alone
Relatives don't understand why im 25 & don't have kids yet but they don't understand that this world's not ready for a child named Blastoise
It's probably called 'Talking Dead' because 'Grown Up Idiot Losers Over Analyzing A Fucking Show About Zombies On Sundays,' is too long.
AN UPDATE FROM TEXAS: Governor Gregg Abbott just had a bowl of guns for breakfast and is now moving all poor people into concentration camps
Bassist for @SonsOfTexas_ . covered in cat hair. XXX
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