Gotta love finding out someone unfriended you by seeing them under "People you may know." Uh, yeaah. Thought I did?

You don't know fuck about shit

All I want for Christmas is some xbl gold.

I'm always first to wake up. I should use this as an opportunity to draw tiny penises on everyone still passed out.

I do not need! A microphone! My voice is fucking! POWERFUUULLLLLLL!!

People who have twitters but never tweet: what the actual fuck?

Meee~ pic.twitter.com/nV9sUojg

Take it sleazy... and I'm out

I think blood is about to gush outta my eyehole

I was asked "What's wrong with you?" ....I've been trying to find out.

Yeah, but baby there you go again, there you go again, making me love you.

Had the most delicious liquid apple pie moonshine last night. <3

#FF @vulgardaclown He'll subtly attempt to get you laid... And it'll probably work. ;)

In a famous people naming drinking game, I drunkenly blurted out "Urethra Franklin!" and I absolutely blame @zeroyalbaumer.

Clown lips pic.twitter.com/hr2AQmP9

The reason I shouldn't have kids is because I'd probably name them "Johnny Horsecock" or something else equally inappropriate.

#FF @molotovcupcake @mrrambillings @gunghokitty @therealhades @t3hm0rr0w @elg0rd0_84 @slabbaconbp @sexyxgamer @schroofles @lokisexual

I haven't been on twitter in over a month. Leave it to @vulgardaclown to entice me back. :P

Slowly realizing how twitter was probably my only outlet for manic depressive episodes

Rawr. Time goes by waaaay too slow when you're sober. IS THIS REAL LIFE?!?