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  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    The only way chihuahuas could be more annoying is if they wore little speedos and called everyone "bro".

    • 404
    • FAVS
    Browneyed_mamasnifgitlazydoxyWilliamMarino5CarpentersCrackdumbdora77JosephLEdenGarreTheFerret
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamapompousdadsnifgitBulldog0613lazydoxyZenJenSometimesCarpentersCrackdumbdora77
    Psyche2YourEros__oddscribblerCarmel_ColemanMikeSchismHerselfness
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    If our pets could text, we'd probably get a few "Where u at?!" texts throughout the day.

    • 295
    • FAVS
    Trina679cigarinBrowneyed_mamalazydoxySwanMccandlesCarpentersCrackGonzoPhilMrsDimira
    • 119
    • RETWEETS
    cigarinjoeyz95Browneyed_mamalazydoxyjewagenaar__coc0LimeNuterin_duffeybradleywayne27
    1BigMickkellyskelly
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    Sometimes I get these random texts from my father that just say "Man up".

    It's almost like he can sense when I'm watching kitten videos.

    • 264
    • FAVS
    Browneyed_mamaKrissyMysteryRoechelleFoleyurbanrockerericsshadowYesIamThatGuymynameiskayliejnrbtsn
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamaRoechelleFoleyMysteryguy19SashimiCatapultYesIamThatGuyjnrbtsnlazydoxySchleckter
    GarreTheFerretjimmymanners
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    Most of my jokes at work end with "Sorry, didn't see you standing there, Tonya".

    • 204
    • FAVS
    Browneyed_mamamotrboatrdaliatalScoobdooblesColorMePlaiddtruegemini13lazydoxyCarpentersCrack
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamamotrboatrColorMePlaiddtruegemini13lazydoxyAlyssa_JolieKevinZ418Jenny4ashley
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    The cat keeps running to the door like he's expecting friends to show up. Stupid cat. No one likes you.

    • 192
    • FAVS
    Browneyed_mamalazydoxyCarpentersCrackBathtubAnarchySchleckterGonzoPhiljessilylesJenny4ashley
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamaAlyssa_JolieJenny4ashleyBasstardyprasdeloLakeoconeebldrleashaletteDoubleDigit13
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    My favorite part of "Diff'rent Strokes" was when Arnold asked his brother, Willis, to elaborate on a perplexing statement he made.

    • 181
    • FAVS
    motrboatrWilliamMarino5dixiedarlin_RNRobbi123CarpentersCrackBlackBalloon428GonzoPhilJenny4ashley
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    motrboatrWilliamMarino5dixiedarlin_RNCarpentersCrackGonzoPhilweaselwhiskerzcyclingfiend74SirFlushaLot
    ella__fraserCarmel_Coleman
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    When I said that you'd always have a place to stay in rough times, I meant like a motel or a shelter. Anyway ... You can't stay here.

    • 166
    • FAVS
    Browneyed_mama2loony1motrboatrMagsWoodwardlazydoxyCarmel_ColemanGonzoPhilJenny4ashley
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    S8804Browneyed_mama2loony1motrboatrlazydoxymariaamilfdsmitty_62Aham_Sanjay
    NJO
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    Don't make me punch you in your feelings.

    • 174
    • FAVS
    Browneyed_mamaBasstardylazydoxychassidy_boggsdmkumar4GreenEyedLoonTree_388greeneyedhh
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamalazydoxyTree_388CarpentersCrackarturotruAlyssa_JoliecoyotedevilLakeoconeebldr
    SkipperStevens
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    I wish there was a piñata version of you.

    • 138
    • FAVS
    Browneyed_mamalazydoxyEschewObfuscatiEmma_Iniquity__Carmel_ColemanGonzoPhilJenny4ashleyAlmostdawn10
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamalazydoxyEmma_Iniquity__Alyssa_JoliemarieaskiJarelTheArtistThe_Bufster______epitome_of_sass
    Lakeoconeebldr
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    I don't know if this counts as a trick, but whenever I tell the cat to "STAY" he does whatever the hell he wants to.

    • 159
    • FAVS
    Cassfullofjoywahyuni426Browneyed_mamamullen_sinheadedtospace____CynicalLongkatkimberlybryantHanHanah
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamakeeetymammaCynicalLongkatkimberlybryantKittenMcKayWheelTodtroublewakerplusbrainstoo
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    I've had the same exact To-do list for the past 3 weeks. Nothing accomplished. I felt bad until I scratched out "To-do" & wrote "Bucket".

    • 132
    • FAVS
    MeganBackoskiSBStarbuckGarnettKarenBrowneyed_mamappattersonjaxmaburg512BasstardyLAsPaulTaylor
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    SBStarbuckS8804Browneyed_mamappattersonjaxciao34LAsPaulTaylorAslam_H4PTFO__AnnaIsabel
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    The cat has the sniffles & a little too much energy today. I'm no veterinarian, but I'd say that's the first sign of a cocaine problem.

    • 130
    • FAVS
    Browneyed_mamadirtyrhymesRoechelleFoleyTHEPokerWifelazydoxyBathtubAnarchyGonzoPhilJenny4ashley
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamaCincyJackRoechelleFoleylazydoxyleashalettebrit_forrestermeaculpau27Lakeoconeebldr
    dsmitty_62ford414__________
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    When I said I was great in bed, I meant at sleeping. Stop touching me.

    • 115
    • FAVS
    hylewis3MikkalWatersalittledrinkyBrowneyed_mamaNicoleroxxumotrboatrdirtyrhymesplusbrainstoo
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mama2loony1motrboatrplusbrainstoolazydoxyholdmyearringsfavstar1000favsGonzoPhil
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    It's funny how that picture of Morgan Freeman you carry around only seems weird when strangers catch you asking it for advice.

    • 122
    • FAVS
    Browneyed_mamaGonzoPhilJenny4ashleyDanKCharnleyedjohnboothcyclingfiend74mrt1mbrownbear952______
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamaafriclubguydsmitty_62jeffreyr77Psyche2YourEros__justpaattyTFitz13__________favstar1000favs
    SeeEllVee
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    The only thing weird about this hug is you fighting it. Just relax and pretend you know me. That's it. Less weird now, right?

    • 115
    • FAVS
    Browneyed_mamaNicoleroxxumotrboatrGonzoPhilJenny4ashleyDanKCharnleyedjohnbooth2loony1
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamamotrboatrfavstar1000favsSirFlushaLotstay1OOsumpeoplelikeitella__frasermlinhart
    meaculpau27
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    The only time the family next door stops fighting is when they spot me peeking through their window. You're welcome, weirdos.

    • 112
    • FAVS
    Browneyed_mamaNicoleroxxumotrboatrGonzoPhilJenny4ashleyLakeoconeebldrDanKCharnleyedjohnbooth
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamamotrboatr2loony1favstar1000favscanadasandraella__fraserilikeyouguysSpartacunt
    bruiser07
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    Your voicemail messages will be ignored in the order they were received.

    • 87
    • FAVS
    Carmel_ColemanGonzoPhilJenny4ashleyDanKCharnleyLakeoconeebldredjohnboothNuhNuhKtwayne1010
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    2loony1SirFlushaLotaintlifeswellsKentTheG__________moniquemichele8Favstar500FavsJewbekahKriddyE__________
    asithinkiam
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    Stop honking your horn and just drive around me, a-hole. I'm trying to tweet here.

    • 69
    • FAVS
    Carmel_ColemanGonzoPhiljamiedipoma419BillEBLoveAffairJustLikeMikeeGarreTheFerretJenny4ashley
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    MalikmofoBLoveAffairJustLikeMikeeVickyGus__ellisabetheFavstar500Favsterrficspllergilesthompson
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    Sometimes I think the ice cream truck with the tinted windows playing 50 Cent songs isn't really a ice cream truck.

    • 97
    • FAVS
    GonzoPhilJenny4ashleyDanKCharnleyedjohnbooth2loony1mrt1mjeffreyr77hudzyourdaddy
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    AndruByrneJiminyKicksItSirFlushaLotFavstar500Favsmeaculpau27oreillyskills1BigMickgeniusindisgize
    meaculpau27
  • RobbyRob313
      RobbyRob @RobbyRob313

    Sometimes my boss is whoever yells at me the loudest.

    • 73
    • FAVS
    Carmel_ColemanGonzoPhilJustLikeMikeeJenny4ashleyNotJPodsmitty_62mrt1mJiminyKicksIt
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    GDGAngeldsmitty_62Lakeoconeebldrcaptainfuckit____coyotedevilFavstar500FavssuziqkelleySirFlushaLot
@RobbyRob313

@RobbyRob313

Karaoke Whore. Detroiter. Occasional Douchebag. Beer Enthusiast.