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  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    The only way chihuahuas could be more annoying is if they wore little speedos and called everyone "bro".

    • 414
    • FAVS
    LemonSharkMusicMandaLynn314BigRod1966JayPea222BSCampney_garvinLynnRays2loony1
    • 173
    • RETWEETS
    MandaLynn314BigRod1966BSCampney2loony1Browneyed_mamapompousdadsnifgitBulldog0613
    Psyche2YourEros__oddscribblerCarmel_ColemanMikeSchismHerselfness
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    If our pets could text, we'd probably get a few "Where u at?!" texts throughout the day.

    • 306
    • FAVS
    LemonSharkMusicMandaLynn314ShermanPartssgtpd75AlHumphriesBigRod1966JayPea222_garvin
    • 124
    • RETWEETS
    fuzzlimeBigRod19662loony1craigludingtonAlyssa_Joliecigarinjoeyz95Browneyed_mama
    1BigMickkellyskelly
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    Sometimes I get these random texts from my father that just say "Man up".

    It's almost like he can sense when I'm watching kitten videos.

    • 269
    • FAVS
    MandaLynn314sgtpd75BigRod1966JayPea222LynnRaysBrowneyed_mamaKrissyMysteryRoechelleFoley
    • 94
    • RETWEETS
    BigRod1966BSCampney2loony1Browneyed_mamaRoechelleFoleyMysteryguy19SashimiCatapultYesIamThatGuy____
    GarreTheFerretjimmymanners
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    Most of my jokes at work end with "Sorry, didn't see you standing there, Tonya".

    • 206
    • FAVS
    MandaLynn314sgtpd75Browneyed_mamamotrboatrdaliatalScoobdooblesColorMePlaiddtruegemini13
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamamotrboatrColorMePlaiddtruegemini13lazydoxyAlyssa_JolieKevinZ418Jenny4ashley
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    The cat keeps running to the door like he's expecting friends to show up. Stupid cat. No one likes you.

    • 193
    • FAVS
    MandaLynn314Browneyed_mamalazydoxyCarpentersCrackBathtubAnarchySchleckterGonzoPhiljessilyles
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamaAlyssa_JolieJenny4ashleyBasstardy________prasdeloLakeoconeebldr____leashaletteDoubleDigit13
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    My favorite part of "Diff'rent Strokes" was when Arnold asked his brother, Willis, to elaborate on a perplexing statement he made.

    • 182
    • FAVS
    MandaLynn314motrboatrWilliamMarino5dixiedarlin_RNRobbi123CarpentersCrackBlackBalloon428GonzoPhil
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    motrboatrWilliamMarino5dixiedarlin_RNCarpentersCrackGonzoPhilweaselwhiskerzcyclingfiend74SirFlushaLot
    ella__fraserCarmel_Coleman
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    When I said that you'd always have a place to stay in rough times, I meant like a motel or a shelter. Anyway ... You can't stay here.

    • 169
    • FAVS
    LemonSharkMusicMandaLynn314sgtpd75Browneyed_mama2loony1motrboatrMagsWoodwardlazydoxy
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    sgtpd75S8804Browneyed_mama2loony1motrboatrlazydoxymamagoddessTVOCdsmitty_62
    NJO
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    Don't make me punch you in your feelings.

    • 180
    • FAVS
    yungduckkdirkwiggler99LemonSharkMusicMandaLynn314luvyourself2daysgtpd75Browneyed_mamaBasstardy________
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    luvyourself2dayBrowneyed_mamalazydoxyTree_388CarpentersCrackarturotruAlyssa_Joliecoyotedevil
    SkipperStevens
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    I don't know if this counts as a trick, but whenever I tell the cat to "STAY" he does whatever the hell he wants to.

    • 174
    • FAVS
    Scorpio1080freaksongpotatobugsplitzNzNzNzNzNzNzNzHASDaysgotMehLemonSharkMusicMandaLynn314
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    Scorpio1080freaksongpotatobugsplitMizCorbeaugotMehTNWmusicFansthegameneedsmeHawgLegHendrix
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    I wish there was a piñata version of you.

    • 141
    • FAVS
    MandaLynn314luvyourself2daysgtpd75Browneyed_mamalazydoxyEschewObfuscatiEmma_Iniquity____Carmel_Coleman
    • 56
    • RETWEETS
    MandaLynn314luvyourself2dayBrowneyed_mamalazydoxyEmma_Iniquity____Alyssa_JoliemarieaskiJarelTheArtist
    Lakeoconeebldr____
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    When I said I was great in bed, I meant at sleeping. Stop touching me.

    • 126
    • FAVS
    MsPametnicaNotBachibawlzjagalskarbilarThatluckyfoxOttoWeinertchrismerrillHarryBallzak1LemonSharkMusic
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    LemonSharkMusicMandaLynn314Browneyed_mama2loony1motrboatrplusbrainstoolazydoxyholdmyearrings
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    I've had the same exact To-do list for the past 3 weeks. Nothing accomplished. I felt bad until I scratched out "To-do" & wrote "Bucket".

    • 136
    • FAVS
    LemonSharkMusicsexgodsuperhero_RogerSkaitroublewakerMeganBackoskiSBStarbuckGarnettKarenBrowneyed_mama
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    SBStarbuckS8804Browneyed_mamappattersonjaxciao34LAsPaulTaylor____Aslam_H4PTFO__AnnaIsabel
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    The cat has the sniffles & a little too much energy today. I'm no veterinarian, but I'd say that's the first sign of a cocaine problem.

    • 131
    • FAVS
    MandaLynn314Browneyed_mamadirtyrhymesRoechelleFoleyTHEPokerWifelazydoxyBathtubAnarchyGonzoPhil
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamaCincyJackRoechelleFoleylazydoxyleashalettebrit_forrestermeaculpau27Lakeoconeebldr____
    dsmitty_62ford414__________
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    What part of "I'm stuck in my neighbor's doggy door" don't you understand?

    • 103
    • FAVS
    ImblOwenfreaksongICountBeanssAlisonzombielanLackLucidfunk62outgotMehAliNotAlli
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    lolfuckingbyeImblOwenfreaksongAlisonzombielansexgodsuperherofunk62outtroublewakertweetspraylove
    BJewell_d________
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    It's funny how that picture of Morgan Freeman you carry around only seems weird when strangers catch you asking it for advice.

    • 122
    • FAVS
    Browneyed_mamaGonzoPhilJenny4ashleyDanKCharnleyedjohnboothcyclingfiend74mrt1mbrownbear952______
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamaafriclubguydsmitty_62jeffreyr77Psyche2YourEros__justpaattyTFitz13__________favstar1000favs
    SeeEllVee
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    The only thing weird about this hug is you fighting it. Just relax and pretend you know me. That's it. Less weird now, right?

    • 116
    • FAVS
    sgtpd75Browneyed_mamaNicoleroxxumotrboatrGonzoPhilJenny4ashleyDanKCharnleyedjohnbooth
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamamotrboatrfavstar1000favsSirFlushaLotstay1OOsumpeoplelikeitella__frasermlinhart
    meaculpau27
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    The only time the family next door stops fighting is when they spot me peeking through their window. You're welcome, weirdos.

    • 113
    • FAVS
    MandaLynn314Browneyed_mamaNicoleroxxumotrboatrGonzoPhilJenny4ashleyLakeoconeebldr____DanKCharnley
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    Browneyed_mamamotrboatr2loony1favstar1000favscanadasandraella__fraserilikeyouguysSpartacunt
    bruiser07
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    Your voicemail messages will be ignored in the order they were received.

    • 88
    • FAVS
    MandaLynn314Carmel_ColemanGonzoPhilJenny4ashleyDanKCharnleyLakeoconeebldr____edjohnboothNuhNuhK
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    2loony1SirFlushaLotaintlifeswellsKentTheG__________moniquemichele8Favstar500FavsJewbekahKriddyE__________
    asithinkiam
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    Stop honking your horn and just drive around me, a-hole. I'm trying to tweet here.

    • 70
    • FAVS
    MandaLynn314Carmel_ColemanGonzoPhiljamiedipoma419BillEBLoveAffairJustLikeMikeeGarreTheFerret
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    MalikmofoBLoveAffairJustLikeMikeeVickyGus__________ellisabetheFavstar500Favsterrficspllergilesthompson
  • RobbyRob313
      Robby Rob @RobbyRob313

    Sometimes I think the ice cream truck with the tinted windows playing 50 Cent songs isn't really a ice cream truck.

    • 98
    • FAVS
    MandaLynn314GonzoPhilJenny4ashleyDanKCharnleyedjohnbooth2loony1mrt1mjeffreyr77
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    AndruByrneJiminyKicksItSirFlushaLotFavstar500Favsmeaculpau27dannyoreilly841BigMickgeniusindisgize
    meaculpau27
@RobbyRob313

@RobbyRob313
Pro

Karaoke Whore. Detroiter. Occasional Douchebag. Beer Enthusiast.