I hope when I have a child that I can watch #SNL with them like my father used to do with me as a kid. :)

@stoner_stuff blaze me up scotty

Somewhere Mitt Romney just opened a Coca Cola. #VPDebate

@doobiedoodette Too bad cars can't run on hemp fuel. Oh wait never mind, they can... http://t.co/TgQSifzG #FuckThat

Percocet and thoughts of you make my day better.

This smoke and stroke session is brought to you by amazing women like you. :)

Let's drink till we don't feel feelings anymore.

Rest in Peace, Chris Kelly, may you jump jump into heaven... #KrisKross

@joederosacomedy see what bitching about dirty dishes does to a person ;) #SuicideWatch

My political views align with my penis. Always a little bit to the left... ;)

@ifcportlandia Banned Wagon would be the best band name ever. #Portlandia

Maybe hurricane #Sandy will take all the hipsters with it.

Yogurt farts warm my heart.

Forget Tom Brady (The Giants Super Bowl Song) by @eastsidedave: http://t.co/9xXavaaG via @youtube

Sick of people I live with annoying me. Think I am just going to sleep the rest of today off. Don't need this bullshit anymore to be honest.

51 minutes till I can get my Ron and Fez fix. I am jonesing hard. @theibang

What I'd give to just wake up on a Sunday next to you in bed. Then we can listen to the Commodores "Easy".

I want a pepperoni sandwich. Or an English muffin with blue berry jam. Why the hell am I tell you all? lol

I need to medicate soon. If not I won't be able to bother everyone with my tweets.

Late night Yerba Mate is almost as good as a morning hand job. Almost.