Ep 7 of @thesendup with @pamelaribon. She writes TV and books and jokes and the internet. Listen up!  http://bit.ly/122v4hV 

"I like you, but I'm not IN like with you."

Don't even try it, quiet lady in the other bathroom stall. I'll outwait you.

Ep. 1 of The Send-Up! I talk to @zebwells for a good hour and a half. In my opinion, a VERY good hour and a half.  http://bit.ly/VBRhQd 

I have a podcast. It's called The Send-Up. I talk to TV comedy writers. If you like me or even TV comedy writers go to  http://www.thesendup.net 

Associate Producer, the film credit equivalent of a mercy fuck.

Ugh. My autocorrect keeps changing "schadenfreude" to "shut up, you pretentious fuck."

Ep. 4 of The Send-Up with @jackieclarke, who works hard to give you Happy Endings (the show, the show!). Listen up!  http://itun.es/i6Jt2bd 

I FINALLY paid off my car. It knew too much.

Ep 6 of The Send-Up with @nickmalis! He pranks the internet as the head writer/EP of Tosh.0. Listen up!  http://bit.ly/Zt5P6h 

Free Willard

What if he's not a lover OR a fighter?

My biggest sexual turn off is direct eye contact.

Ep. 5 of the Send-Up with Luvh Rakhe. He writes on "New GIrl" and "It's Always Sunny." Sweet AND salty!  http://bit.ly/YZGEIm 

Check out ep 3 of the Send-Up, with Heather Flanders, who isn't even ON twitter. It's just that exclusive. Listen up!  http://bit.ly/VBRhQd 

The Send-Up Ep. 2, starring @duncanbirm and his dog Snax. He's a wr/ep on "Maron" (Duncan, not Snax). Listen up!  http://bit.ly/VBRhQd 

I have 99 problems and being a bitch is a lot of them.

There should be a giant swamp called the Notorious B.O.G.

I just stayed all the way to end of an open mic so I'm a saint now, right?

Remember, if you want to be really condescending, start your sentence with the word remember.