The #RNC last week compared to the #DNC this week is like Jars of Clay opening for Slayer.

Being full of energy for five hours sounds horrible.

The President of the United States just told the American People why we can't have a Death Star. For real. I love that guy.

No. I’m calling my family to make sure my 6yr old niece in CT is safe. RT @nra Are you purchasing a firearm for someone this holiday season?

Here's Waldo #LessInterestingBooks

“You can masturbate freely after your spouse falls asleep”- subtext of jumping on a mattress without spilling a glass of wine.

Thanks to Twitter, I am now sick of hearing attractive women talk about sex.

Gas prices are rising and Limp Bizkit broke up? 2012 is the worst 2005 ever.

I’m on whatever the opposite of a roll is.

I AM A GROWN ASS MAN AND I DO NOT WANT TO PLAY BARBIES ON SATURDAY NIGHT!! But that is what I'm doing because I had sex 5yrs ago.

On second thought, those Star Wars prequels aren't so bad. #LizAndDick

NERD TRIVIA: The white switch on Darth Vader's chest box controls a fully contained bidet system.

The band "Green Day" has a song entitled "Wake Me Up When September Ends". You may wish to do a humorous tweet referencing it. Please don't.

If fire shoots out of the chimney the Papal Conclave has selected a new drummer for Slayer.

If Kid Rock is embarrassed to be a Republican, wait until he finds out he's Kid Rock.

Did LMFAO break up because the one guy realized he is a 37 year old man in zebra leggings?

Once again @sarahpalinusa steps up to the plate to remind us that people who wear glasses are not necessarily smart.

"Here's the corpse, now pay me my ransom". PBS are the worst kidnappers ever. #PledgeDrive #DowntonPBS

Are community colleges even open today?

the music I enjoy is far superior to the music you enjoy and I will judge you accordingly .