Does 'heinous' rhyme with 'penis' or 'anus'? To win a prize, send your one word answer to Piers Morgan. Good luck!

Sepp Blatter congratulates Sepp Blatter on beating Sepp Blatter to become president of FIFA in a close-run race against Sepp Blatter.

I'm starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.

"Blessed are you poor, for yours is the kingdom of God." - Jesus Christ.
"It's not my job to worry about the poor" - Mitt Romney, Christian.

'If you build it, people will come' - dildo manufacturer's motto.

Outrage among Daily Mail readers who have discovered that the snow settling in England is from abroad.

'The Sun Says', from 1988. http://t.co/KWyZyW2A

You can't polish a turd, but you can autotune a fart.

These days, some people seem to be very easily offended by mere words. Those people can fuck off.

Another World's Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.

Exclusive: Kate Middleton topless! http://t.co/4yYAqea0

I must have put my clocks back too far. Gary Glitter's trending.

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." - Isaac Newton
"No there isn't." - someone on Twitter.

If the Daily Mail doesn't like this country it should fuck off back to where it came from.

Jeremy Hunt is innocent until proven guilty as fuck.

This year will be available again on 2012 +1.

If the Two Ronnies were MPs, they'd probably be involved in a sex candle.

The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP.

If you have hedgehogs in your bonfire, remember to wrap them in tinfoil to keep the flavour in.

Roses are red,
Violets are violet,
The heart is simply a pump
And love is merely a chemical imbalance in the brain. - Richard Dawkins.