you know that tingly feeling you get when you start to like someone, well thats common sense leaving your body

the day Adele stage dives is the day we see who her real fans are

women spend more time worrying what men are thinking than men do actually thinking

i can count all the men ive fucked on one hand, if im holding a calculator

i keep a lighter in my bag all the time just incase i hear a really good song

Niece 8yrs old wrote this: tadpole and caterpillar in love get married, change into different animals and don't recognise eachother anymore

Had botox yesterday purely to hide the disappointment on my face when he gets his cock out

a slut is just a girl with the morals of a guy

ladies giving your men the silent treatment isnt punishment its a reward

My nipples are almost as sensitive as my facebook friends

If all the girls I went school with were laid end to end I wouldn't be bit surprised

a transvestite ..a guy who likes to eat drink and be mary

isnt it strange when youre single all you see is couples and when youre part of a couple all you see is fit gorgeous men

Get outside guys its fucking gorgeous xx http://t.co/sV9X2v9N

if moses would have walked two more miles the jews would have all the oil

Horse meat tastes alright, until they cum

im watching too much porn, fuck i cant eat a banana without spitting on it first

fat people excuses ; the problem is obesity runs in our family .....no, the problem is no one runs in your family

your secret is safe with me I zoned out half hour ago

He bought me a present, it wasn't the necklace I chose .... pic.twitter.com/RWMx4hn1