Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
They may think it's clever, but if I find someone upgrading their porch pumpkin with a Santa hat I will call the police.
After a national tragedy it is customary to fly the flag at half-mastiff, wherein your mastiff must wear it like an adorable dog dress.
Oh, I'm "clumsy," eh? Why don't you say that to my face? *breaks bottle on bar* *it shatters, slicing hand open*
My feet were hurting so I bought some Dr. Scrolls. Gonna recite the ancient incantation inscribed upon it ASAP
I know this is a church but it's at the fifth corner of a pentagram with my house and 3 Dairy Queens. Someone here has to fight me.
So, like, jellyfish are some kind of angry ocean barf that can bite you? No. I don't think so. Zero stars.
If the old gang could only see me now! They would cut off my tattoos and carry out the standing order to assassinate me.
I Didn't Know I Was Repugnant
The average age in Los Angeles is "But I can play younger."
Don't give me this "new" Christmas music. I only want the standards as sung by dead men I can safely assume bullied their fey sons.
a lot of teenage knights died trying to wear their helmets sideways into battle
It's under 50 degrees in LA right now!
There's actual frost forming around our phoniness.
Send a message to a rival baker by gouging out the eyes of a gingerbread man and leaving them on his hotel room pillow.
You spy a skeletal tree, its last leaf dangling in the wind, and realize that the dry bogey dancing from your nose's tip makes you the same.
Nobody sets out to be an emotionally abusive parent but there it is, right on the birth certificate - given name: LARRY.
We are two years away from leaving oil and batteries out for Drone Santa Claus.
Of course working on a crab boat is dangerous, the captain and crew are crabs.