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Why do people take this twitter thing so seriously? Aren't we all here to have fun, type crazy/silly shit, and make friends?
I wanna see how far this tweet will go in honour of my dad! Stars n RT please! Love you and will miss you dad! XOXO
I'm drunk on three different wines. Consider this my mating call.
You don't need to be local to be a friend. A kind word from a virtual stranger halfway across the world can make a difference to someone.
Calk and cock: Spelled differently, but sound alike. Funny thing is, they're both crack sealers!
If I ever learned to play the ukulele, the first thing I would do is play a song about midgets and pineapples.
If you dislike someone based on where they're from, or colour of their skin, then you're a big asshole, and I don't like you!
I don't wanna get married honey, I just want you to make me walk funny!
I could be having a completely horrible day, and some of you will bring a smile to me with what you tweet!
Made shadow puppets with my hand and a cigarette. I was seeing unicorns and sex. Yup, I belong on twitter!
Hey! I wish I could be as horny as some of you claim to be!
If my nipples were made of bacon I wouldn't have any nipples, because I would have eaten them already...
Oh yes please do cut me off then come to a complete stop, that is a great way of introducing my car's mouth to your car's ass!
Some people are hot as fuck, and others not so much. That is all.
I can't help but giggle when I see a midget. Try imagining one riding a bull, getting bucked off, and flying through the air.
Some of you are my favourite type of people, I only wish we could have our own party island!
If porn was ever narrated, don't you think Cleveland from Family Guy would be perfect for narrating midget porn?
Fuck, my dad was playing with my phone and I dunno what the fuck he did. Seniors and touch screens don't mix.
Ahhh Canada Day! This is the day we all gather at public parks to drink Maple Syrup and roll around in tubs of poutine!
Ok I really need to stop googling terms I see on twitter.
If I have 3 cookies and you take 1, how many will I have? All 3 because I'll shoot you if you take my cookies, bitch!