Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I'm not a psychologist, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track cured 75% of ADHD
Twitter is just really an app that makes okay to talk to yourself.
It looks like the problem is just your radiator cap. It's attached to a piece of shit.
My dad once said , if youre presented with a choice, always fuck the quiet girl.
"you smell like pot" My mom whispering to me across the table at lunch 2hrs from now.
No, I didn't see that commercial. I have a DVR.
Australian men are lucky. Their girlfriends can carry all their tools and shit in their pouch.
The tweets are coming from inside my house.
Wanted: Cool hot chick with insurance who likes to plant flowers and shit like that.
I wish somebody would tell me which Twitter clique I'm in.
My ex left her broom here, so I don't know how she's going to fly around tonight.
Yea! New people that don't hate me yet. Yea!
Lets get some of those fried rubberbands. You mean calamari? Yeah, those thingys
if I had a dingo I would absolutely name him Bingo.
Woman do not find my tractor sexy.
All my labs are very friendly, but dont think for 1 second they won't fucking drown your dog over a tennis ball. It's just business.
This bowl of raisin bran is the worst Doritos ever.
I left my dignity at the Golden Corral
Brand new chain on the pipe in the basement. I'm ready to start dating again.
I'm going to the mall today and sit in front of Kay's and heckle guys while stuffing my face with soft pretzels.
I like dogs and cats. My great great great great great great great great great great great grandmother was Pocahontas. Single, willing to change. Done @ 5000