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Twitter is just really an app that makes okay to talk to yourself.
It looks like the problem is just your radiator cap. It's attached to a piece of shit.
My dad once said , if youre presented with a choice, always fuck the quiet girl.
"you smell like pot" My mom whispering to me across the table at lunch 2hrs from now.
The tweets are coming from inside my house.
No, I didn't see that commercial. I have a DVR.
Wanted: Cool hot chick with insurance who likes to plant flowers and shit like that.
I wish somebody would tell me which Twitter clique I'm in.
Australian men are lucky. Their girlfriends can carry all their tools and shit in their pouch.
My ex left her broom here, so I don't know how she's going to fly around tonight.
Lets get some of those fried rubberbands. You mean calamari? Yeah, those thingys
Yea! New people that don't hate me yet. Yea!
if I had a dingo I would absolutely name him Bingo.
This bowl of raisin bran is the worst Doritos ever.
Woman do not find my tractor sexy.
All my labs are very friendly, but dont think for 1 second they won't fucking drown your dog over a tennis ball. It's just business.
Brand new chain on the pipe in the basement. I'm ready to start dating again.
I left my dignity at the Golden Corral
I'm going to the mall today and sit in front of Kay's and heckle guys while stuffing my face with soft pretzels.
I prefer milk with cake but I prefer pie.
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