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BREAKING: Staff at MIT apologise for East Coast earthquake, claims an intern "dropped some science".
"Tell someone you love them today because life is short. But yell it at them in German because life is also confusing and terrifying."
I think people need independent counselling before they vote.
This could prevent up to 60,000 votes for Nadine #Dorries in every election.
The UK is not going to bring back the #deathpenalty, but well done distracting the whole country from job losses & phone hacking. #slowclap
Somewhere, someone who writes "should of" instead of "should have" gets paid more than me.
The #Catholic Church can kiss my post-abortion, happily divorced ass.
You jumped-up, women hating, child molesting, crucifixion fetishists.
I really want to share the joyous message of Einstein with you but I can't unless you send me some money. #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians
If women need ultrasounds pre-abortion, men need to draw sad faces on their balls before vasectomies.
It's National Bieber Day?
And what nation would that be exactly?
The missile guidance technicians would like to know.
If you need a special set of laws to protect an idea from being ridiculed, chances are it's a ridiculous idea.
I could fall down drunk in a pile of alphabet blocks, and wake up with more meaningful lyrics written backwards on my face.
Today I learned the Finnish equivalent of Grammar Nazi is "pilkunnussija"; literally translated as "comma fucker".
"The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubt, while the stupid ones are full of confidence." -C. Bukowski
"No matter how old you are, no matter how badass you are, when a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone...You answer it."
Hitchens' #GodIsNotGreat has jumped from no. 50 to no. 27 on Amazon's bestsellers list in 4 hours.
Cancer killed the man, not the message.
FB friend has asked for a good word to describe "getting something back on track".
First comment: "I Downey Jr'd it."
In honour of Eric Idle's 68th birthday, today I will mainly be looking on the bright side of life.
Wink wink nudge nudge saynomore.
CrossFit nerd. Language warrior. Elegantly vulgar. Canadian and not the least bit sorry. Other oxymorons too. Get involved.