I think I'm lucky to have grown up poor. We couldn’t afford bad grammar for fear people would know we were poor.

Seriously, who ARE these semi-nude women following me? Why not sexy guys? Does my cartoon face scare them away because it's too beautiful?

Point out my typo at your own risk. I have PMS and a migraine. I'd take on the Navy Seals and they'd be sorry'

I am so tired of being the new kid. What, the H is a SUBTWEET? I probably don't want to do it anyway

I'm clueless on politics. All I know I read in twitter. Politics is a strange thing. Apparently it's all about what's in a woman's uterus

Did it again! After 2 glasses of wine I won't drive a car - but I'll take scissors to my hair. Now I have bangs - that’s all -- just bangs!

Lunch with my 25-yr-old son today He doesn't tweet. He's sooo yesterday [fixed typo from sin to son. Could have been more interesting tweet]

When I was a kid we made prank phone calls. “Is your refrigerator running? Then you'd better catch it” Twitter is a lot like that.

I'm not 100% committed yet but seriously leaning toward starting a campaign for write-ins to elect JP the Janitor president. Who’s w/ me?

What's a trophy?

When the irritating gnat dies in my glass of wine, should I rejoice in the death of a bug or mourn the loss of a really good vintage wine?

Twitter thinks I'm similar to someone who claims to be in prison? Who has Twitter been talking to?

Since I started my campaign for JP the Janitor for Pres, Twitter has unfollowed him 3 times. Is Twitter in a party's pocket?

Since I started tweeting, I’m overwhelmed w/ emails offering me easy credit &fast cash. Ans: No. I'm okay for now. Don’t need Viagra either.

Another man mistake. Called him &said I was having bad hair day. He opened door, saw me, &said, “Wow! Great hair!” He is so paying for that!

Twitter is the introvert's paradise. The poor speller's hell

Cartoon me went back to blond. Am I having more fun yet?

Scientifically proving blonds have more fun. Not one new naked follower since I dyed my cartoon hair red. I'll try raven next.

Social worker asked 3rd-time pregnant 16 yr-old girl a standard question “Do you make friends easily?” Girl’s answer: “Isn't that obvious?”

Just got a resume from job candidate - said she took off a month to REST & DISTRESS. Wonder how that worked for her. I'll never know. Delete