@Ryan_Duncan's most faved Tweets...
Pregnant ladies can't play laser tag because the lasers have the possibility of making the baby totally awesome.
If you don't buy clothes made in sweat shops, then all those children died for nothing. Try living with that on your conscience.
When someone tells me they don't get twitter, I've now resorted to telling them that it's a show about nothing.
When someone says "See you later, Alligator." Don't fire back with "After awhile, pedophile!" It doesn't go over well.
Clever rhyme though.
Clever rhyme though.
If you're playing Monopoly by yourself and you win 2nd place in a beauty contest, it's alright to pretend you got 1st place.
IT'S ALRIGHT!
IT'S ALRIGHT!
When I see a girl at work going to the bathroom at the same time as me, I like to ask, 'Hey are you pooping too?' Because you never know.
I think I'm going to get full back tattoo of a wizard fighting a giant wolf. You know, to advertise to the ladies how awesome I am.
Why is it that if you make fun of Canadians you're hilarious, but if you make fun of Mexicans you're a Republican? It doesn't seem fair.
Listen. If you don't understand English, then why don't you get in your damn spaceship and leave? Canadians live in space, right?
I have a dream.
A dream where we don't have to communicate through machines and we can all crack jokes in person.
And no one wears pants.
A dream where we don't have to communicate through machines and we can all crack jokes in person.
And no one wears pants.
Not wearing pants is funny on the internet, but they don't seem to like it at church.
Jesus would get it.
Jesus would get it.
I just voted myself most likely to live in a van and solve mysteries. So I'm pretty sure that Nobel Prize is mine next year.
I think a fun prank would be if I went back in time and slept with your mom. Then I'd be your dad; and you'd never see that coming.
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