3 in the bed and the little one said "leave"

We just called Chipotle at 3:48am and someone answered.....theyre lying.....they dont close at 10....nothing will ever be the same....

you can find me in the men's department in any store

Coming to terms with the fact that the reason I'm not having sex is because I'd rather be with my friends

I am too heady for 420

My boss scheduled me to work a double on valentines so apparently it is that obvious that I'm not getting any

Jessa from girls is my spirit animal

I just ate hibachi and I'm scared to tell my Jillian Michaels ripped in 30 workout plan because she will punish me

people can die from secondhand pie

vote me for the shots girl at the next presidential debate

I lose my mind before I lose my bitch

Im hot boxing my car listening to Sheryl Crow so obviously I'm going places in my life

Dominos closes in 2 minutes who wants to call and order for me

Religion is fucking stupid I believe in alcohol

Do you think if I hangout with this rich kid enough he'll put me in his grandfathers will?

@justbeinqjess I have the same problem

SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE GOOD MOMS OUT THERE! LETS TWERK ON THE BEACH TO CELEBRATE!

I stopped kissing people on the cheek when I say hello ever since I accidentally kissed Dans dad on the lips

I'm an independent woman AND I NEED NO MAN

I am so skinny and can't stop tweeting about how skinny I am because skinny