Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
"Do what you love." ~Rich people
New guy at Starbuck's dotted the "i" in Erica w/a ♥ on my cup. Marriage proposal, right? Or he's gay. Or a playa. Dickbag. Hate him already.
Most adult friendships are just figuring out whose turn it is to cancel plans.
The number of hashtags you use on Instagram pix is equal to the number of psych meds you should be on.
My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.
It's called St. Valentine's Day because St. Blowjob for Jewelry Day just didn't have the same ring to it.
Seriously, if I were a manager at Burger King, my answer to every complaint would be, “You’re at Burger King.”
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don't have a moon where I live.
If I don't return 17 calls,9 texts,& 7 emails, it's safe to assume you've been blown off & bumped up to Borderline Stalker Status. Sorry Mom
My gal pal: "Are you on a diet? You look so nice & thin... What's you're secret?!"
“I’m working on it.” = Haven’t done shit
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table. It’s what they want.
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.
I swear to god if this girl doesn't get my coffee order right I'm gonna tip her, drink it anyway & be back again tomorrow.
My son’s field trip consent form lists walkmans & radios under ‘Optional items.’ Where the fuck are they going, 1989??
The awkward moment when you say, "I love you," then the pizza delivery guy says, "That'll be $12.46, please."
I'm like the David Hasselhoff of Twitter. I'm not particularly funny or talented, but they fucking love me in Europe.
Angry people who can’t take a joke have no idea how hilarious they are to those of us who can.
Got 86'd from Whole Foods for showering
Like @SCbchbum’s tweets? Send them a Favstar Pro Membership to show you care.Gift them Pro!