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  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    New guy at Starbuck's dotted the "i" in Erica w/a ♥ on my cup. Marriage proposal, right? Or he's gay. Or a playa. Dickbag. Hate him already.

    • 2,941
    • FAVS
    FuckBeanDr_powpowclean_not_sobersheeshyeah_sweet_hamwndrwmn84B1gBrainsMcGeewolfpack197721
    • 1,153
    • RETWEETS
    Dr_powpowwndrwmn84wolfpack197721ginnyrussedanny_mcclellanscarred_z_headHellYeahHollyNeuroticRed
    WookieOnUnicornBillMc7DaveWeasellvvzzsee_more13greenteam15TheDairylandDonJaySuchshruglordBarebakAssassinprimawesomeBlazedDonuts______dannydogmouthDeanB15TheTennisPhenomSaraESpiveytreydaywayabstractethedailymarkersameblackshoes1__StellaRtwotRyenInTheMoinesFadeAway2JazzzzzminaCpez38
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.

    • 2,276
    • FAVS
    clean_not_sobermrbuster60SantaDearestCVTBabykcMcCowgirlpintofdraftJJDeckerBwanaChris
    • 1,233
    • RETWEETS
    Deckers_KittenAlisonOtienoSaraChandler9interUNFAOTheRealRHByossarian2852AdamMAndersonmellimelle
    roggyiegigglegirlnoelAngreaHairyJew4LifeARobustLoofahlvvzzFSUSteve__________1BigMickJaySuchGroperClevelandFredPollackpantsheymonroeHrBrySchmoodles________mattelgatoJason_maybethe_littletrampStellaRtwot
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    It's called St. Valentine's Day because St. Blowjob for Jewelry Day just didn't have the same ring to it.

    • 1,620
    • FAVS
    milbucksfan03kcMcCowgirlpintofdraftjjames7878RedbearrrdJay_FrickinLynnNotThatKevin1evilidiot
    • 1,211
    • RETWEETS
    AlbertoLapetinaCVTBabyJay_FrickinLynnImABaconDonutry12garvTruculent67stangrangeBlondechacha
    LifesGoodThingnowarrantylovablelucaskingofalltweetsgoonumbertwo______BlazedDonuts______CrystalMoonableJayDirt___________
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    If I don't return 17 calls,9 texts,& 7 emails, it's safe to assume you've been blown off & bumped up to Borderline Stalker Status. Sorry Mom

    • 1,701
    • FAVS
    B1gBrainsMcGeeJamesonN7Thaat_guymattgossenShrinkMediagi_problemchildBex_Ba_LexNatalieH94
    • 537
    • RETWEETS
    JamesonN7ShrinkMediamicky864bluebayoubyyou____DesFantasy__danny_mcclelland_daymondkihugi
    NinjaFuneralThateverydayguyHome_HalfwaySeanINCypressthetobbieezeddalyletsdancebitchsMaui_Speaks______dannydogmouthLicoriceNipples______Coastiefish
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    My gal pal: "Are you on a diet? You look so nice & thin... What's you're secret?!"

    Me: "Poverty."

    • 1,494
    • FAVS
    blueeyedbatemandodhyaimanaazihahsoonerick76jensiggemtahlierCigNicsnvrhaveieverrrr
    • 626
    • RETWEETS
    dodhyaimajenalldayCaseyGangstaankitsoniXDanielRobbinsXannjiligLnnPtrckIdrinkpineapple
    aurora_mp3agent_0rang3crayan9SergioValenCoMaui_Speaks______shatty48
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    “I’m working on it.” = Haven’t done shit

    • 1,261
    • FAVS
    B1gBrainsMcGeeNorskwegianwolfpack197721GodivaInBlueRadicalInsanityRedsFlameThrowkcMcCowgirlJoabPudindinker
    • 643
    • RETWEETS
    JustCallMeC_sheeshyeahwolfpack197721_SullyBShrinkMediaGodivaInBlueRedsFlameThrowkcMcCowgirl
    ezeddalyJoeyPositivityjedfudallylife_suckerMaryKoCoheykarlinedheenan__________slyoung5FSUSteve__________
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.

    • 1,244
    • FAVS
    MorethanamazingEndocarditisguywolfpack197721gefiltecatjezmynneShrinkMediamrbuster60onebadmunky
    • 449
    • RETWEETS
    sheeshyeahwolfpack197721ShrinkMediamrbuster60tigerreyesElieBourbonGuyi_fancybmomegan_zummo
    QwertyJones3PeachCoffinanother_lisaTheAlexNevilkamiekaymeemadamezoobleJandalize
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.

    • 1,200
    • FAVS
    sheeshyeahHiddleDeeDeewolfpack197721imallwritecomjaslakhmnaVodkaTiemscottthetwatcocakoehler
    • 435
    • RETWEETS
    wolfpack197721scottthetwatCVTBabychivermike11Jay_FrickinLynnkseanharriseggnookTheCoddmonster
    life_suckerUluwatuSiapziploccondom______AgamemNOMNOM
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    The awkward moment when you say, "I love you," then the pizza delivery guy says, "That'll be $12.46, please."

    • 1,247
    • FAVS
    wndrwmn84wolfpack197721cocakoehlerCVTBabyTJESticksAllieAkcMcCowgirlElenaKilgoree
    • 294
    • RETWEETS
    wndrwmn84wolfpack197721CVTBabyTJESticksnicka_please17RachaelBadachMattSchaefer_AceGranderson
    gigglegirlnoelshegotagronkgingerfaced5haelPawnYourLifenotfaizzyMothpete
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    Growing up, we had twerking too, except it was called 'That girl isn’t right in the head.’

    • 727
    • FAVS
    kristinakrausekcMcCowgirlpintofdraftnessy_lousharajeankingJay_FrickinLynnArroiaJust_Jess_Again
    • 716
    • RETWEETS
    sharajeankingcinderrr_Jay_FrickinLynnsteve_condraenigmatericsdmkumar4ginasays43MarcieBrooke
    anjadrischKendragardenDontFuckWithMom
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    I'm like the David Hasselhoff of Twitter. I'm not particularly funny or talented, but they fucking love me in Europe.

    • 1,225
    • FAVS
    torieannesaltHiddleDeeDeewndrwmn84wolfpack197721kcMcCowgirlpintofdraftmarcusmatherneHero2dom
    • 216
    • RETWEETS
    sheeshyeahwolfpack197721ItsAllCrazyToMeJay_FrickinLynnBamagirl_158HalbeerzTruculent67bornmiserable
    StellaRtwotthe_couch_guy____jrogasmJonCantTweetCarmel_ColemanCoastiefish
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    Angry people who can’t take a joke have no idea how hilarious they are to those of us who can.

    • 986
    • FAVS
    texasstalkermomwndrwmn84wolfpack197721kcMcCowgirlSarah__CortezJoabPudindinkerAngelBomer18Izianikapani
    • 442
    • RETWEETS
    sheeshyeahRowdymrwndrwmn84its33me33wolfpack197721JoabPudindinkerMishael1987MirCummins
    ArroiaVividJamerScigglez__________MrStaggsMiahSaintBaconHuffer
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    Guys, when us girls travel in packs to the ladies' room, we are ripping our clothes off, rubbing our bodies together & making out. Busted.

    • 1,064
    • FAVS
    VioletHeathersmrbuster60pintofdraftSamGrittnerHalbeerzSilverBadgerItsAllCrazyToMeJay_FrickinLynn
    • 324
    • RETWEETS
    mrbuster60SilverBadgerJay_FrickinLynnWillie1derfulbsuemalesminnie_in_pink7Truculent67dmkumar4
    Jenny4ashleyMasterOfFuryNikiWithIssuesFadeAway2
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    My son’s field trip consent form lists walkmans & radios under ‘Optional items.’ Where the fuck are they going, 1989??

    • 873
    • FAVS
    pintofdraftsass_n_assmarcusmathernetpirrongppattersonjaxjennaleigh_23ericsshadowFallopian_Fury
    • 441
    • RETWEETS
    ppattersonjaxLisaMcAlister1mishi_zaItsAllCrazyToMeJay_FrickinLynneggnookOne_FineMessSpikeAsPimp
    bornmiserablelawblobdirtyCDNbitch
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    Nothing snaps a woman into full blown CSI mode faster than an unfamiliar ponytail holder in her car.

    • 979
    • FAVS
    My2girls10pennyeahJoeJoldsreycuntimusprimedseierrrKevinBuffalopintofdraftsass_n_ass
    • 312
    • RETWEETS
    KevinBuffalojennaleigh_23Jay_FrickinLynndoctorjaninZohajeTheGreatAuburnHBkatecooperrrMoi_RaRa
    bazlyonschopper4jkBDGarp
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    I don't care if you wear footie pj's or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADASS.

    • 987
    • FAVS
    AllieApintofdraftsass_n_assmarcusmathernethenoahkinseyJay_FrickinLynnJust_Jess_AgainSam_stone31
    • 253
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynnTweetyMcTweetsBoywhiz88coolman_jamesJust_Oh_SusannaLockherupRN0lipops__________Born2bVild
    dubstep4dadsbmarked21Werbo1937________
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    "The dryer adds 10 lbs." ~Jeans

    • 863
    • FAVS
    mrbuster60Chrissyloveuklvjen_hilliardroya_ltysydneygreg11Moewebbritt_healyKevinBuffalo
    • 207
    • RETWEETS
    mollydipTheLizzard4379KevinBuffalorunningmom1974treydaywayRumOrCoke0126____sass_n_assJay_FrickinLynn
    ReeceValentineErik_AllenVodkaDietSodaAllstalkedoutrydontcare________Excapeplan
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    My workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.

    • 740
    • FAVS
    lauralippayClancy_PrumattforsythKasrthmboberekHadzillaAndrewKoenig3p_atr_ick
    • 293
    • RETWEETS
    EPSedlockJepsonBellbaineshayleylujahhhsessiongzkaseydillasdamnnpamdongleganger
    DanielRCarrilloHome_Halfway
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    My natural hair color is shut your whore mouth.

    • 734
    • FAVS
    CigNicsVioletHeathersKelgoreTrouttexasstalkermommrbuster60Le_Gitan_76AllieApintofdraft
    • 295
    • RETWEETS
    VioletHeathersmrbuster60LefareadMetaphorWhoreDownFrontArtistHungoverLawyerdietmountndewthat_bitch_kayy
    CarolineCaseyLakeoconeebldrOut_The_BackElKnuckelhombre
  • SCbchbum
      Erica B @SCbchbum

    Target, you are one classy motherfucker. ~Walmart

    • 851
    • FAVS
    GodivaInBluepintofdraftmarcusmatherneMikeSteinke1brianbowman73for_my_julietthenoahkinseyJay_FrickinLynn
    • 136
    • RETWEETS
    GodivaInBlueJay_FrickinLynnOne_FineMessRyanCox006tkhan74TacomaGoatHuajatollaChicTheMichaelRock
    ericONEderfulJP_theAntiHerotrialfemmeNotJPo
@SCbchbum

@SCbchbum

Got 86'd from Whole Foods for showering