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  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    New guy at Starbuck's dotted the "i" in Erica w/a ♥ on my cup. Marriage proposal, right? Or he's gay. Or a playa. Dickbag. Hate him already.

    • 3,032
    • FAVS
    SquizbotAnemoneHegemonyMoreWantsmooshkabean69AnnaG930T4dyceLisaKohlbrennerDeurb1
    • 1,192
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotDeurb1SolelyBpseudo_fredRawanFakhoury1mrjohntofulbrown1213JoshuaWitter_37
    BlondiethegoodWookieOnUnicornBillMc7DaveWeasellvvzzsee_more13greenteam15TheDairylandDonJaySuchshruglordBarebakAssassinprimawesomeBlazedDonuts______dannydogmouthDeanB15TheTennisPhenomSaraESpiveytreydaywayabstractethedailymarkersameblackshoes1__StellacopterRyenInTheMoinesFadeAway2JazzzzzminaCpez38
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.

    • 2,406
    • FAVS
    Squizbothstweetheartcallies_ssockher_mom_jennjennRSF788darrrkstarrrLKandall
    • 1,294
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotLauren_Ipsum_darrrkstarrrKaihBrooksiethrowinglimbsCynchMoore74MollySupafly22a
    roggyiegigglegirlnoelAngreaHairyJew4LifeARobustLoofahlvvzzFSUSteve1BigMickJaySuchGroperClevelandFredPollackpantsheymonroeHrBryDavidOzmundmattelgatoJason_maybethe_littletrampStellacopter
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    "Do what you love." ~Rich people

    • 1,846
    • FAVS
    SquizbotAnemoneHegemonymathaeusloskaMoreWantsthomasmeyrogerreloadedklapauzFR31H31T
    • 1,486
    • RETWEETS
    Squizbotthomasmeyfrerk_itfreitonspielb_strikes_againplayinprogress_foo__barFrauKnoedelberg
    DanielRCarrilloWildeThingycathryn_wardmattZillaaaa
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    It's called St. Valentine's Day because St. Blowjob for Jewelry Day just didn't have the same ring to it.

    • 1,665
    • FAVS
    SquizbotAnemoneHegemonyMoreWantsJustFollownRTspiraled_awayzoofsterWildeThingypseudo_fred
    • 1,233
    • RETWEETS
    Squizbotspiraled_awaypseudo_fredbaliska2david_tullkrishna_vanRobRichardson3fuzzlime
    LifesGoodThingnowarrantylovablelucaskingofalltweetsgoonumbertwo______BlazedDonuts______CrystalMoonableJayDirt___________
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    The number of hashtags you use on Instagram pix is equal to the number of psych meds you should be on.

    • 1,480
    • FAVS
    SquizbotMimiRyan0110Tanaconda5PlurBiancaahall38MegaMartyServeTheTruthMoreWants
    • 1,069
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotPlurBiancaChiKizNeLLyServeTheTruthkdaigrepontMoreWantstovatots_cassidyskye
    BlackCheesePie
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    If I don't return 17 calls,9 texts,& 7 emails, it's safe to assume you've been blown off & bumped up to Borderline Stalker Status. Sorry Mom

    • 1,737
    • FAVS
    SquizbotAnemoneHegemonyMoreWantsJustFollownRTOhYeahILieddavid_tullDearAbbySimonIAmKashWah
    • 552
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotMoreWantskrishna_vanskernn23brainsdocNinja_Soup_MrAdamBezDesignerCunt
    NinjaFuneral______ThateverydayguyHome_HalfwaySeanINCypressthetobbieezeddalyletsdancebitchsMaui_SpeaksdannydogmouthLicoriceNipples______Coastiefish
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    My gal pal: "Are you on a diet? You look so nice & thin... What's you're secret?!"

    Me: "Poverty."

    • 1,540
    • FAVS
    THEPokerWifeSquizbotAnemoneHegemonyMoreWantsBrittanyBonetfragile_soulsJustFollownRTspiraled_away
    • 651
    • RETWEETS
    Squizbotlonewulf87JustFollownRTspiraled_awaypseudo_fredcassvinceIAmKashWahkrishna_van
    jlane_Mr_0rang3crayan9SergioValenCoMaui_Speaksshatty48
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    “I’m working on it.” = Haven’t done shit

    • 1,322
    • FAVS
    THEPokerWifeSquizbotAnemoneHegemonyMoreWantsJustFollownRTWildeThingypseudo_fredbaliska2
    • 682
    • RETWEETS
    Squizbotabishekgpseudo_fredtweetingtinkkdavid_tullhenson40____7xcassvince
    GreeneyedMofoezeddalyJoeyPositivityjedfudallylife_suckerMaryKoCoheykarlinedheenan__________slyoung5FSUSteve
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.

    • 1,291
    • FAVS
    SquizbotAnemoneHegemonyMoreWantsJustFollownRTspiraled_awayToxicWorrierzoofsterpseudo_fred
    • 472
    • RETWEETS
    Squizbotlonewulf87MoreWantsspiraled_awaypseudo_freddavid_tullkrishna_vanBorderKitsch
    QwertyJones3PeachCoffinanother_lisaTheAlexNevilkamiekaymee__madamezoobleJandalize
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.

    • 1,246
    • FAVS
    THEPokerWifeSquizbotAnemoneHegemonyMoreWantsJustFollownRTToxicWorrierOutOnTheMoorspseudo_fred
    • 459
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotToxicWorrierpseudo_fredIAmKashWahkrishna_vanNickZ2317ShermanPartsLerky
    life_suckerUluwatuSiapziploccondom______AgamemNOMNOM
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    The awkward moment when you say, "I love you," then the pizza delivery guy says, "That'll be $12.46, please."

    • 1,281
    • FAVS
    THEPokerWifeSquizbotAnemoneHegemonyMoreWantsJustFollownRTpseudo_fredArtIsMyPorndavid_tull
    • 310
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotELEPHANTSiNJARSOhYeahILiedpseudo_freddavid_tullkrishna_vanAnkitShahrockinbinbin
    gigglegirlnoelshegotagronkgingerfaced5haelPawnYourLifenotfaizzyMothpete
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    I'm like the David Hasselhoff of Twitter. I'm not particularly funny or talented, but they fucking love me in Europe.

    • 1,272
    • FAVS
    SquizbotAnemoneHegemonyMoreWantsJustFollownRTzoofsterpseudo_fredjuliepie76david_tull
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    Squizbotpseudo_freddavid_tullMeccaBrooksFortuitousPenRick_IZlllvvvzzzJurassicPatt
    Stellacopterthe_couch_guy____jrogasm__________JonCantTweetCarmel_ColemanCoastiefish
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    Growing up, we had twerking too, except it was called 'That girl isn’t right in the head.’

    • 755
    • FAVS
    UrSassy_GingerSquizbotMoreWantsDaraEvans2awescarMikeSpitlerJustFollownRTSissiSay
    • 728
    • RETWEETS
    UrSassy_GingerSquizbotchar_m26MikeSpitlerJustFollownRTzoofsterteabangerlllvvvzzz
    anjadrischKendragardenDontFuckWithMom
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    Guys, when us girls travel in packs to the ladies' room, we are ripping our clothes off, rubbing our bodies together & making out. Busted.

    • 1,129
    • FAVS
    THEPokerWifeale_bundySquizbotAnemoneHegemonystrangeHelenaMoreWantsthatdamnbraycloudypianos
    • 349
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotdarrrkstarrrRillyKewlaterdoekrishna_van_MaridithJoyHeresyXSPhilip37937
    Jenny4ashleyMasterOfFuryNikiWithIssuesFadeAway2
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    Angry people who can’t take a joke have no idea how hilarious they are to those of us who can.

    • 1,016
    • FAVS
    THEPokerWifeUrSassy_GingerSquizbotAnemoneHegemonyMoreWantsDanLoFMassJustFollownRTzoofster
    • 458
    • RETWEETS
    UrSassy_GingerSquizbotPrfeclyiNsaneashburn_laurenJustFollownRTIAmKashWahGreeneyedMofofuzzlime
    ArroiaVividJamerScigglez__________MrStaggsMiahSaintBaconHuffer
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    My son’s field trip consent form lists walkmans & radios under ‘Optional items.’ Where the fuck are they going, 1989??

    • 963
    • FAVS
    THEPokerWifeSquizbotAnemoneHegemonyMoreWantsSharpeBytesCaptain_Arcosdshack8MegVaMe
    • 482
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotSiggyMDAnalogbearhabreddevilchassidy_boggskaranotcaraabhorrent_wifecolemarie13
    bornmiserablelawblobdirtyCDNbitch
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    Supercuts is one step away from handing you the scissors & saying, “Here, you fix it.”

    • 1,035
    • FAVS
    SquizbotAnemoneHegemonyMoreWantsawescarJustFollownRTVirtualRVToxicWorrieriGreenMonk
    • 329
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotToxicWorriernightshadesirispseudo_fredHolaArielSir_TarzanBmoreLikeNitaelisa212007
    FatuousFloozy__
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    Nothing snaps a woman into full blown CSI mode faster than an unfamiliar ponytail holder in her car.

    • 1,015
    • FAVS
    THEPokerWifeSquizbotAnemoneHegemonyMoreWantsJustFollownRTspiraled_awaypseudo_fredpeterwesleypt2
    • 326
    • RETWEETS
    Squizbotspiraled_awaypseudo_fredelisa212007david_tullDesignerCuntTateRyanntsm560
    bazlyonschopper4jkBDGarp
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    I swear to god if this girl doesn't get my coffee order right I'm gonna tip her, drink it anyway & be back again tomorrow.

    • 957
    • FAVS
    THEPokerWifePinnerThoughtSquizbotjustineftaylorOctober_Destinylharden23ryanbranhamCobyCobywatters
    • 376
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotMaddyL07KissableCarlenelordofthedelidivadeb99bujoobachhaDuffyMaldenraindrift
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don't have a moon where I live.

    • 889
    • FAVS
    THEPokerWifePinnerThoughtSquizbotAnemoneHegemonyIAmChristopherLMoreWantssteveperceawescar
    • 421
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotJustFollownRTkaan_sensoyToxicWorrierSkullfuckTpseudo_fredRhiii_Edztayylor_mcgrew
    Sarcasticsapien
@SCbchbum

@SCbchbum

Got 86'd from Whole Foods for showering