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  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    New guy at Starbuck's dotted the "i" in Erica w/a ♥ on my cup. Marriage proposal, right? Or he's gay. Or a playa. Dickbag. Hate him already.

    • 2,996
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_ateatraywally_B_69LittleJimmy61SoulOfOceansSubliminalMesscatcervenyFancyNancyAnn
    • 1,180
    • RETWEETS
    SoulOfOceanscatcervenypaulablu22MissvalCaMrAdamBezDesignerCuntAmrrwisedreamthievin
    BlondiethegoodWookieOnUnicornBillMc7DaveWeasellvvzzsee_more13greenteam15TheDairylandDonJaySuchshruglordBarebakAssassinprimawesomeBlazedDonuts______dannydogmouthDeanB15TheTennisPhenomSaraESpiveytreydaywayabstractethedailymarkersameblackshoes1__StellaRtwotRyenInTheMoinesFadeAway2JazzzzzminaCpez38
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.

    • 2,322
    • FAVS
    danzorzNinja_Soup_KKennedaMrAdamBezDesignerCuntjimandrewsmusicmelibuffTateRyann
    • 1,258
    • RETWEETS
    KKennedaneenacherieMrAdamBezDesignerCuntlittlemisspsuntsm560cynthiacallisonAndLive2Love
    roggyiegigglegirlnoelAngreaHairyJew4LifeARobustLoofahlvvzzFSUSteve1BigMickJaySuchGroperClevelandFredPollackpantsheymonroeHrBryDavidOzmundmattelgatoJason_maybethe_littletrampStellaRtwot
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    It's called St. Valentine's Day because St. Blowjob for Jewelry Day just didn't have the same ring to it.

    • 1,643
    • FAVS
    TateRyannNinja_Soup_MissLisa1970MrAdamBezDesignerCuntimgettinghealthaKhalifa101arrisnyte
    • 1,224
    • RETWEETS
    MrAdamBezDesignerCuntLiterotica_comtrumpthechumpJasminadeeJanBowlesWriterHennesseeAndrewalthene
    LifesGoodThingnowarrantylovablelucaskingofalltweetsgoonumbertwo______BlazedDonuts______CrystalMoonableJayDirt___________
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    If I don't return 17 calls,9 texts,& 7 emails, it's safe to assume you've been blown off & bumped up to Borderline Stalker Status. Sorry Mom

    • 1,723
    • FAVS
    danzorzNinja_Soup_poppy_daydreamsMrAdamBezDesignerCuntkenz182xTateRyannCARBAJALme
    • 547
    • RETWEETS
    Ninja_Soup_MrAdamBezDesignerCuntTateRyanntsm560jb197100Denymesanityinigoomontoya
    NinjaFuneral______ThateverydayguyHome_HalfwaySeanINCypressthetobbieezeddalyletsdancebitchsMaui_SpeaksdannydogmouthLicoriceNipples______Coastiefish
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    My gal pal: "Are you on a diet? You look so nice & thin... What's you're secret?!"

    Me: "Poverty."

    • 1,519
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_nutttt_Casepoppy_daydreamsMrAdamBezDesignerCuntKipronokigen4TateRyanntsm560
    • 641
    • RETWEETS
    TateRyannMrAdamBezDesignerCunttsm560AndLive2LoveWillyMilano2SheridanLoveXXXImaFlyontheWall
    jlane_Mr_0rang3crayan9SergioValenCoMaui_Speaksshatty48
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    “I’m working on it.” = Haven’t done shit

    • 1,302
    • FAVS
    VocabuLarryNinja_Soup_nutttt_CaseMissLisa1970MrAdamBezDesignerCuntTateRyanntsm560
    • 669
    • RETWEETS
    TateRyannMrAdamBezDesignerCunttsm560ScottBerghorndudsofcreightonAlwaysMaryJaneamiromar321
    ezeddalyJoeyPositivityjedfudallylife_suckerMaryKoCoheykarlinedheenan__________slyoung5FSUSteve
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.

    • 1,266
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_KKennedaDesignerCuntcc_FairTateRyanntsm560ImaFlyontheWallAndLive2Love
    • 459
    • RETWEETS
    KKennedaDesignerCuntlittlemisspsunTateRyanntsm560inigoomontoyaKay_manns_17Trooper6Nine
    QwertyJones3PeachCoffinanother_lisaTheAlexNevilkamiekaymee__madamezoobleJandalize
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.

    • 1,226
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_chasenuelMrAdamBezDesignerCuntTateRyanntsm560BobTheSuitPhaksNhlumayo
    • 447
    • RETWEETS
    DesignerCunttsm560dudsofcreightonD_elliott2013JaniceLReadinigoomontoyaLiseB_ArtistSkinwah22
    life_suckerUluwatuSiapziploccondom______AgamemNOMNOM
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    The awkward moment when you say, "I love you," then the pizza delivery guy says, "That'll be $12.46, please."

    • 1,264
    • FAVS
    danzorzNinja_Soup_MrAdamBezDesignerCuntTateRyannbleustreaktsm560aKhalifa101
    • 299
    • RETWEETS
    DesignerCuntlittlemisspsuntsm560inigoomontoyaTrooper6Ninewndrwmn84wolfpack197721CVTBaby
    gigglegirlnoelshegotagronkgingerfaced5haelPawnYourLifenotfaizzyMothpete
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    I'm like the David Hasselhoff of Twitter. I'm not particularly funny or talented, but they fucking love me in Europe.

    • 1,247
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_overeaseeficklenutsKeithPiper84MrAdamBezDesignerCuntTateRyanntrumpthechump
    • 221
    • RETWEETS
    cosmopinciottificklenutsMrAdamBezaltheneinigoomontoyasheeshyeahwolfpack197721ItsAllCrazyToMe
    StellaRtwotthe_couch_guy____jrogasm__________JonCantTweetCarmel_ColemanCoastiefish
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    Growing up, we had twerking too, except it was called 'That girl isn’t right in the head.’

    • 743
    • FAVS
    danzorzNinja_Soup_MrAdamBezDesignerCuntTateRyanntsm560aKhalifa101BobTheSuit
    • 722
    • RETWEETS
    DesignerCunttsm5601bramantacano339Literotica_comtrumpthechumpinigoomontoyaTrooper6Nine
    anjadrischKendragardenDontFuckWithMom
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    Angry people who can’t take a joke have no idea how hilarious they are to those of us who can.

    • 1,000
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_MrAdamBezDesignerCuntTateRyanntsm560aKhalifa101trumpthechumpImaFlyontheWall
    • 450
    • RETWEETS
    Samurai_RaveMrAdamBezDesignerCuntangelwhorns68tsm560inigoomontoyaTrooper6Ninebrainsdoc
    ArroiaVividJamerScigglez__________MrStaggsMiahSaintBaconHuffer
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    Guys, when us girls travel in packs to the ladies' room, we are ripping our clothes off, rubbing our bodies together & making out. Busted.

    • 1,075
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_MrAdamBezDesignerCuntTateRyannangelwhorns68tsm560BobTheSuitalthene
    • 327
    • RETWEETS
    DesignerCunttsm560inigoomontoyamrbuster60SilverBadgerJay_FrickinLynnWillie1derfulbsuemales
    Jenny4ashleyMasterOfFuryNikiWithIssuesFadeAway2
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    My son’s field trip consent form lists walkmans & radios under ‘Optional items.’ Where the fuck are they going, 1989??

    • 912
    • FAVS
    ShirleyEweNinja_Soup_MrAdamBeztexnchicagoSirLionLegokl12345_ktattyoldconvers__sweetgunnar
    • 450
    • RETWEETS
    TateRyannSkullsAndButterletti444bradisinOhgoddessitsmebmb423canadasandraDesignerCunt
    bornmiserablelawblobdirtyCDNbitch
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    Supercuts is one step away from handing you the scissors & saying, “Here, you fix it.”

    • 1,016
    • FAVS
    danzorzYour_HabibiKouklamichellejoannastarlingGonzoNews68sydnijuly574NightengaleLostCatDog
    • 320
    • RETWEETS
    ErMahGerdKerthTheMelecioalyssawolfffavstar1000favstantrumbrigadeannamv10QuotebookGuykaeryd
    FatuousFloozy
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    Nothing snaps a woman into full blown CSI mode faster than an unfamiliar ponytail holder in her car.

    • 1,003
    • FAVS
    danzorzNinja_Soup_itsdonnaokDesignerCuntcc_FairTateRyannangelwhorns68tsm560
    • 321
    • RETWEETS
    DesignerCuntTateRyanntsm560acano339JessieColvininigoomontoyaFunnyMomsTweetbrainsdoc
    bazlyonschopper4jkBDGarp
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    I don't care if you wear footie pj's or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADASS.

    • 999
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_MrAdamBezDesignerCuntuccjebTateRyannangelwhorns68tsm560trumpthechump
    • 258
    • RETWEETS
    DesignerCuntLiisaTSTateRyanntsm560inigoomontoyaJay_FrickinLynnTweetyMcTweetsBoywhiz88
    dubstep4dadsbmarked21Werbo1937________
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don't have a moon where I live.

    • 771
    • FAVS
    allesonsawyerkeishadarlingmissmouseaprilTheBeardedIrisaint_no_prophetjustinslensJennOlneyDanoll
    • 369
    • RETWEETS
    keishadarlingmissmouseaprilKivvishsleepyflowers_TateRyannsquaremeatalephhPetakShawn
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    "The dryer adds 10 lbs." ~Jeans

    • 895
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_MrAdamBezTateRyannaGirlNamedSassytsm560ImaFlyontheWallAndLive2LoveStephenBCramer
    • 221
    • RETWEETS
    MrAdamBeztsm560ImaFlyontheWallinigoomontoyamprice1006thatdutchpersonFatuousFloozyblondecoffee
    ReeceValentineErik_AllenVodkaDietSodaAllstalkedoutrydontcare________Excapeplan
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    My workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.

    • 785
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_Psydewayzficklenutso0XIII0oMissLisa1970Swall0wthesuNMrAdamBezTateRyann
    • 314
    • RETWEETS
    MrAdamBeztsm560luhbrobullitt6454StephenBCramerjnarredondoTimeIsKillinMefastchickenhawk
    DanielRCarrilloHome_Halfway
@SCbchbum

@SCbchbum

Got 86'd from Whole Foods for showering