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I couldn't get a retweet if I were in a twitter whore house with a fist full of stars!
little bro: I met this girl online and I really like her! me: if you met her on fb send her flowers, if twitter, a pic of your junk will do!
I wish Kris Jenner would fess up and tell khloe that andre the giant is her real father!
so I smoked pot for the first time in over 10 years, the doctor in the emergency room said the valium should kick in anytime!
I couldn't date a girl on twitter because the first time she missed staring one of my tweets it would be over!
I'm not a narc, but the bitch with half a grocery cart full of shit in the 10 or items or less line needs to be called out!
Axed: End, cancel, or dismiss suddenly and ruthlessly.
Asked: Say something in order to obtain an answer.
Any questions?
me: honey, can we get rid of your treadmill that you don't use? her: sure, as soon as you get rid of your twitter account! me: never mind!
the cricket sounds after my tweets are seriously fucking up my self esteem!
Twitter is like crack.
No matter how long your away from it, one tweet and your fucked!
When I was younger I could piss like a fire hydrant, now thank god for gravity!
I'm not sure if making a sandwich while watching P90X is the way that program works?
It's me take it or leave it! I don't follow people who don't follow me unless you have nice tits! I also have a potty mouth! http://favstar.fm/users/SHawkings
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