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Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting a divorce. If a short closeted homosexual with spooky religious beliefs can't stay married, who can?
Jenna Jameson and Kid Rock support Mitt Romney. Now if only Bartles & Jaymes threw their approval in, it'd be a trailer park trifecta.
BREAKING: Todd Akin to launch winery called "Legitimate Grape"
Jan Brewer sure hates Mexicans a lot for someone whose every press conference appears to be sponsored by Jose Cuervo.
Tagg Romney caught on tape claiming he wanted to punch Obama. Barack Obama caught on tape asking what the hell kind of name is "Tagg".
Breaking news: Avril Lavigne is engaged to Chad Kroeger of Nickelback. We'll comment further upon this news when we stop laughing.
Would Chick-Fil-A denounce NASA if the Mars Rover had been called Bi-Curiosity?
Kim and Kanye were allowed to bypass the TSA and board a flight, thus proving that nobody wants to touch them - even if it's your job.
NBC skips nationwide moment of silence in favor of Kris Jenner interview. Kind of appropriate, as the Kardashians are cultural terrorists.
So THIS is what it's like to drop acid in the middle of London during a terribly choreographed flash mob. #closingceremony
Thanks to @teapartycat and @thedailyedge over at @assholeofday, we dubbed Lance Armstrong as our Asshole of the Week! http://www.socialnewsmedia.net/2013/07/02/snm-network-58-july-2-2013/ …
Chris Brown gets a new tattoo. His publicist gives up and gets a job at Arby's.
It's Independence Day, more commonly known as the 4th of July simply because half of America can't spell "independence".
The 12-12-12 concert serves as a reminder that, if Keith Richards is still alive, the Mayan calendar doesn't stand a chance.
Not to freak everyone out, but the calendar we have in the newsroom ends on December 31...
Eminem is 40 today. Try not to feel old right now.
Jersey Shore has been cancelled! The newsroom shall celebrate this glorious news with bottles of liquor and unlimited Cheetos for everyone!
Anderson Cooper admits that he is, in fact, gay. In other shocking news, Obama admits he is, in fact, black.
The only newscast in the world reported by the unsuspecting members of social media. Tweets by @Cosell and @JoanofSnark9. Watch what you say, because we are.