Turned on Swamp Loggers and it was just a bunch of rude dudes pooping in their sweaty undies. Not cool, @discovery, not cool.

#wrongfilmquotes Hello. There are gun holders making their guns work at us. I will unlife them all for my workings of guns is superior

yeah I could give you a new functional requirements document but I think instead I will arrange a meeting between you and my katana

you think a real man would vaccinate his kids? No! A real man is too busy contracting consumption in order to fight his dyptheria

@bevissimpson I am 5'6" you sons of bitch!

what if science develops an autism vaccine? what then @robschneider? WHAT THEN?

joke builder:
A: Dumb celebrity
B: Funny sounding genetic disease
C: Innocuous medical procedure
Go go go

Hey @robschneider I took a Tylenol and contracted polydactyly. Medicine is a lie.

Hey @robschneider I got a flu shot now I have Tay Sachs. Keep preaching the word (I can not as I am melting)

I got a vaccine and now I'm retarded cc: @robschneider I figured it out 'cause I bought your dumb CD

@drewmagary maybe they were just unusually straight varicose veins you clod!

too busy abusing my privilege to check it

Turns out a good thing to do is be very fat and in your 50s and dowse yourself in shitty perfume so I have an asthma attack at the office

my brand is suffering? My brand IS 'suffering'. -probably jesus or whatever

the heaven god lets your enemies in if they repent. when you get there it'll be full of people that you hate & hate you. Welcome to eternity

I saw an old lady at the bus stop wearing a tap-out shirt. (real life not a line from a warren zevon song)

I finally watched Dark Night Rises. I shouldn't have.

@mobute Once before leaving a ren faire I drove my Mini in many circles & got yelled at by an angry pirate for doing donuts in the grass

@luckystubbs well break out your most gargantuan necklace, we're hitting the FANCY all-you-can-eat buffet

haha you enjoy a less expensive thing than I enjoy?