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Baby showers are the only time you're rewarded for your mistakes
My roommate is baking apple pie with her fiance and I'm in my room alone drinking wine out of a cup I found under my bed
you know you have a problem when the worker at taco bell takes your order and says to you "wow i wish i had an appetite like that."
Today I got so flustered around the most beautiful boy that I stapled a hole in my finger....so that's where I am in life
my newest tinder match sits directly behind me in 1 of my classes 2morrow. what can i say 2 make him feel awkward 4 the rest of the semester
I'm thinking what I need right now is an upside down bottle of vodka in my mouth. Like a waterfall of vodka. Right down my throat.
It's only Tuesday but it feels like Thursday
it's a wednesday and i'm drinking fireball out of a straw. i'm a a senior. fuck it.
What's funny is making your radius on tinder 3 miles in your hometown. I know half of you.
Some nights you cuddle with the popcorn. It's not who you go to bed with friday night, it's who you want to spend saturday with.
I HAVE BABY THROW UP IN MY HAIR I'm never having kids
My waiter just said to me "wow it looks like you're mauling that hamburger" ....so that's where I am in life
My current sources of income include: selling clothes to consignment stores, stealing change from Alan, & taking cash from Linda's wallet.
Sorry I'm late I've been sitting in my car charging my phone so I can use it while we're together instead of having to talk to you
There's no rough day/week at work that a little bit of jello shots can't fix
Post-grad life for me so far has consisted of a lot of champagne and a lot of time laying on the floor blasting music
I can't believe I'm admitting this but I'm actually in love with the Blank Space video
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