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Baby showers are the only time you're rewarded for your mistakes
My roommate is baking apple pie with her fiance and I'm in my room alone drinking wine out of a cup I found under my bed
you know you have a problem when the worker at taco bell takes your order and says to you "wow i wish i had an appetite like that."
my newest tinder match sits directly behind me in 1 of my classes 2morrow. what can i say 2 make him feel awkward 4 the rest of the semester
It's only Tuesday but it feels like Thursday
it's a wednesday and i'm drinking fireball out of a straw. i'm a a senior. fuck it.
I HAVE BABY THROW UP IN MY HAIR I'm never having kids
My waiter just said to me "wow it looks like you're mauling that hamburger" ....so that's where I am in life
My current sources of income include: selling clothes to consignment stores, stealing change from Alan, & taking cash from Linda's wallet.
Time to quit reading all these articles "8 steps to find your passion" "12 things you should do before 25" blah blah blah & DO SUMTHIN
All u ladiez leave yo man at home, the club is fulla ballaz & they pockets full-grown
My professor sent out a group text to our whole class and no one responded
me trying to clean turns into me accidentally shaking the vacuum filter off the deck and hitting the neighbors with all the filth
i "accidentally" dropped someone's change in my tip jar. that was awkward.
my prof told us to be sure not to show up to our meetings tomorrow on drugs bc SHE WILL KNOW. oh darn, guess i cant go do meth for breakfast
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