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Baby showers are the only time you're rewarded for your mistakes
My roommate is baking apple pie with her fiance and I'm in my room alone drinking wine out of a cup I found under my bed
you know you have a problem when the worker at taco bell takes your order and says to you "wow i wish i had an appetite like that."
Today I got so flustered around the most beautiful boy that I stapled a hole in my finger....so that's where I am in life
my newest tinder match sits directly behind me in 1 of my classes 2morrow. what can i say 2 make him feel awkward 4 the rest of the semester
I'm thinking what I need right now is an upside down bottle of vodka in my mouth. Like a waterfall of vodka. Right down my throat.
It's only Tuesday but it feels like Thursday
it's a wednesday and i'm drinking fireball out of a straw. i'm a a senior. fuck it.
What's funny is making your radius on tinder 3 miles in your hometown. I know half of you.
Some nights you cuddle with the popcorn. It's not who you go to bed with friday night, it's who you want to spend saturday with.
I HAVE BABY THROW UP IN MY HAIR I'm never having kids
My waiter just said to me "wow it looks like you're mauling that hamburger" ....so that's where I am in life
My current sources of income include: selling clothes to consignment stores, stealing change from Alan, & taking cash from Linda's wallet.
I have 2 songs in my head right now, and it's morphing into Trap Queen with an orchestra behind it. It's kindof nice.
Sorry I'm late I've been sitting in my car charging my phone so I can use it while we're together instead of having to talk to you
There's no rough day/week at work that a little bit of jello shots can't fix
got my stunnah shadez on & a grin on my face
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