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I'm having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it's mostly grapes. Ok, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner.
I was gonna make a sex joke, buttfuck it..
OMG I just gained 100 followers by.. Shut the fuck up no one believes you.
"A vodka please!"
"Mam this is McDonalds.."
"Okay...I'll have a super-sized McVodka then!"
I swear if this guy keeps looking at me...keep your boner where I can't see it sicko.
Singing to 99 red balloons like I know all the words..in German..like a boss
I don't care why you're leaving but you'll miss me when you're gone.
When everyone is asleep, I walk around with no pants on.
A girl on my Facebook just used the word "hootenanny" to describe an event..she's 23...This is why I'm on twitter.
Don't need a gun to blow your mind.
Why is it that the first people to get naked are really the last people that should be naked?
I love that I can order pizza naked. Thanks pizza pizza app.
I'm better than your best dreams.
Is ke$ha spelled ke£ha in England?
Awesome dipped in awesome covered in bitch sprinkles. Ya that's me.
Everyone is annoying today. Fuck off.
I was told that wine tastes better when you let it breathe...I couldn't tell if it was breathing so I gave it mouth to mouth.
I need more friends with hot tubs.