Falling in love is like peeing after sex, scary at first not knowing where it's going, and just as it starts to feel great, you get burned.

All the normal apples must talk tons of crap about the Delicious apples behind their backs.

At this point, I think it's safe to say that Led Zeppelin's Whole Lotta Love is the greatest song ever written about a dude's dick.

When I was young and heard the song Love Shack, I just thought it was a group of really passionate Shaquille O'Neal fans.

My self esteem is so low, I send emails with Low Importance.

As soon as you fall and no one laughs, that's when you know you're old.

It's impossible to not sound racist while discussing loads of laundry.

When I kill a bug, I leave its remnants behind to let its bug brothers know not to mess with me!! (It's really because I'm lazy as hell)

Who the hell goes for 2 less than 20 minutes into a game? #fireandy

Hey Backstreet Boys what gives? There's still music but you're not coming back again. Liars!

Hot dogs are the 6's of the food world.

If the Tebow trade gets reversed, I'm getting trashed. If the Tebow trade stands, I'm getting trashed.

Jeremy Lin is good at basketball.

Ohhhh I just got the pun in the title Sister Act 2: Back In the Habit. Well done Whoopi...

Isn't Francisco Rodriguez irrelevant enough at this point to relinquish the K-Rod nickname and hand it over to Alex? Please? #yankees #bum

Why do bundles of sticks act like faggots all the time?

@lianamaeby This is genius and deserves way more stars. Just saying.

@meganshpettit Anytime, keep up the funny and don't forget to pull a Dernface during your trophy acceptance speech.

@jposnanski @kentremendous When is the draft of Poscast drafts?