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  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they're smart, confident, and aware they don't need us, so you should be worried.

    • 7,596
    • FAVS
    AbbyWestfallrebecca_riordanMonty_Jo151998supa_sexy_saraabby_hartman3sabrina_nkeeChelseaPolo33___FERG_
    • 4,588
    • RETWEETS
    AbbyWestfallSavageYouthbuttsplzlibbymarie6626___FERG_ShelbyKatesFrizzPrincelovelyylindsayy
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    20s: I got my whole life ahead of me!
    30s: What the dick happened where is time going
    40s: FUCK
    50s: Fuck it
    60s: Neat my skin's translucent

    • 6,466
    • FAVS
    SuperRandomishBuzzRolledxAlexxcelestinelea90zarzarbinkssBownuggetssenormashGGeorgeBBoyd
    • 3,045
    • RETWEETS
    BuzzRolledcelestinelea90geishalyn_haleymacThe_ONE_Adrianjillybean1125sins_shepaidformsjennylee_
    UNTRESOR
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    *puts out arm*
    *falcon lands on it, perfectly*
    "I want everyone to know: I trained this bird."
    *mouths to falcon: who the fuck are you?*

    • 5,782
    • FAVS
    whitaker_cGerntTNjordanizerceseitz123WillChmielewskiGiff_92cara_henneymfunes74
    • 2,340
    • RETWEETS
    rosiealicemMarcDosserBigSteve211VodkaTiemwingsimpliedtupacasnackthebigG_6944shadesofgray
    Eenfidelewfeez
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    I'm God's gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.

    • 5,400
    • FAVS
    kiralcrahmis9TrevorRCrowesuzygluesniffertheevilwriterbrettmullerAdamModianoHunkyBeefy
    • 2,690
    • RETWEETS
    ehooknessWinning1LinersgreglesincAdamModianoKMedchillCam_LagTheBearFollowerlove_my_2cats
    LeahKnauerDonnie_FairburnCVTBabyPeachCoffinLostCatDogDryDickRandopattymoErik_AllenTrueQuixoteCorbblah__________SCbchbumjonnysunUNTRESOR
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    "Son, when I was your age we had to walk 50 miles uphill, in the snow with no shoes just to find out if hot, local singles were in the area"

    • 4,449
    • FAVS
    hahasocialmediaaimee_sweeney_Shhh_ayroddymunro_phoebehindleKev1878McDynamite_76DLRegista
    • 2,599
    • RETWEETS
    hahasocialmediaMiller2334JustNickColeBshemonia10CMHazelShhh_ayIlijaLektnekmail
    SteveDutzy
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Want to buy a gun? Cool. Promise you're not crazy. Promise? Cool. Want birth control? Whoa, lady. Let me ask five old dudes real slow first

    • 3,648
    • FAVS
    l0lohboatierraAmelineRslcommonsauceLindzetaHayleyHhickeyfkabiggsMeghanOB
    • 2,877
    • RETWEETS
    boatierraAmelineRslWolfchesterrLoganMaren_rains_8do_thisgamer_hooj_shairsessiongz
    Karate_Horse
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Earthquakes only happen when Johnny Depp breaks eye contact with Tim Burton.

    • 2,825
    • FAVS
    LaRaeTomeraCSindlingerHear4BeersavvyvickeryJosh_Wenner_morgy903xI_AN0NYM0U5_IxRealAudfuture
    • 2,464
    • RETWEETS
    Hear4Beermorgy903xI_AN0NYM0U5_IxDBech31NotNathanlyBlondeBob213jenithenerdZoradearr
    bloptBenesh_curlycomedyErik_AllenThisAlexSteinKKAlThanirobdelaney
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    if a woman tells me she just wants be friends I say ok but I get to be rachel

    • 3,330
    • FAVS
    kiralccynicsontherunbendahlbergabbyrosenquistandyu94AsanaJonesOrthoTDStice_dreamxcatcher
    • 1,552
    • RETWEETS
    KateDumbrellReeSooLovelybayryan_bensalitosogaard76_brianpistolwistoljamben8213ushell
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    *loses touch with reality*
    *awkwardly runs into reality at the grocery store*
    R: "So... how are things?"
    ME: "I'm growing tigers in my car."

    • 3,241
    • FAVS
    emilybennett97johnmark276snkingstoncjcremersnappyjellyfishalan_dukesherbstweetsMarissaKnapp
    • 1,413
    • RETWEETS
    BurchfieldLauramevmcJayVanHornecjcremerabbyolivia98Mistaaa_ListaaaGR1MEtimaree_leigh
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    "PUT DOWN THE GUN!"
    "Gun, you ugly and come from a broken home."
    "THAT WAS PERFECT BUT PHYSICALLY PUT IT DOWN."

    • 2,715
    • FAVS
    EllieSuzanneAECheckleyhansmithsbmille49TheGilliMANBHeneghan124jpkarlssonJayshaThompson
    • 1,296
    • RETWEETS
    ScrewYouHomoBrockJones95jamben82LilianaXOinaprettypicklekrishna_vanThaTanMancontradictego
    ibid78
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    If you're outraged by free music on your phone just wait until you hear about literally anything else

    • 2,471
    • FAVS
    prettysadmostlyQuontonSoupjennregenLMills_GrandPoobah0723prairiecricketJustinGuariniLoveNLunchmeat
    • 1,456
    • RETWEETS
    bullitt6454ITuoheyLMills_KaitlinM_KatsClancy_PruamydillonewfeezGirlNextDoorYYC
    redherringbear
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    *goes to housewarming party*
    *turns up thermostat*
    *leaves*

    • 2,545
    • FAVS
    johnmark276prettysadmostlysarahcaskeyChaseReynolds_friendofsapiensLicramXLoganSteppmereabigail
    • 1,111
    • RETWEETS
    bridonnellyyunpopularthinksBaileyMarcelloHBOMB67DBwiddaDBshanelleypemaMagDeLeonardisdakotahjoness
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    When he turns 85, rapper T.I. will turn into a graphing calculator.

    • 1,835
    • FAVS
    meekrabscloudypianosPaulyMoshSlyPinkspyMrJack5150ExitThaWarriorforrest_delkyle_thatisall
    • 1,744
    • RETWEETS
    ExitThaWarriorWTFisSwaggerAxholetheGreatPalidoConPecasdreamthievinAndrewBrauerDw_ghtHunsuckr
    hamspamtymaamOhNoSheTwitntErik_Allen
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    POLICE OFFICER: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
    ME: "Because you know I love riddles."

    • 2,307
    • FAVS
    myhal4SpielPaulpineapplequeen3kitchenbagsmathewbyoungHear4BeerAudsCrossNickSarpa
    • 1,099
    • RETWEETS
    mathewbyoungHear4BeerNickSarpajerwoody20r33d27DhikBheetergus_tiffypaulmarc
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    When a woman asks me how long I can last in bed I tell her it depends on how long someone brings me food and water but probably years.

    • 2,272
    • FAVS
    SmuggleablePBandZeecammiesonfloorJonLeeMillervexingpropiwearaonesieSpencerTuckerzackfeld52
    • 937
    • RETWEETS
    DukyHDThe_ONE_AdrianiwearaonesiemuzurBurcurenegadeDAWholeMilkLoverSimenFlomtjukkk
    OldUncleDaveOadamrenschrobfeeUNTRESORcravenheart______
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Imagine liking someone enough to answer their phone call

    • 1,861
    • FAVS
    dreamthievinthetokengurlwenramenKayShaffer95notjvdechris_montoyaSmuggleabledozingdodo
    • 1,217
    • RETWEETS
    halfgirlchris_montoyazachv86SpencerTuckersandwichJOYsickxfme__shaunajanae27Sandra_Di_
    Erik_Allen
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Any pizza is personal if it killed your father

    • 2,077
    • FAVS
    josephthadsagacitysfSmuggleablezachv86theevilwriterAbadon99__CatherineinALElPasofist__
    • 965
    • RETWEETS
    renegadeDAAndrewBrauerzoroandsnajinigoomontoyaihatemegannDaytonWalkerrD34DF0XMelissaDawn1974
    murrman5BigE_Smooth______Erik_Allen
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    "What is this?"
    "That's a rainbow, Mr. Putin."
    "Tear down the sky."
    "Sir, you can't possib-
    *gun clicks*
    "Tear. It. Down."

    • 1,507
    • FAVS
    chris_montoyaiwearaonesiefarwyndbulls_chargerdeutschheuteDahFahQusaystinemartinsenselio24601
    • 1,520
    • RETWEETS
    DahFahQusayKevinWolfykr0plingandreavirtaviktoriaawIsabelkrohnLostNordlendingsuDokubekk
    Eenfidelblopt
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    "Paintings or it didn't happen." - 1700's-1920

    • 1,708
    • FAVS
    iwearaonesiejazmasta_rashiduhdingoden1comedianlukediesel_dan_BlindChowLady_Isabelle1
    • 1,100
    • RETWEETS
    AndrewBrauer_rashiduhmelisa_sofinotsleeepingKevinWolfyrileysdanielNamelocleumasImPABLO_i_WRITE
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Sorry I accidentally inhaled your air guitar.

    • 1,807
    • FAVS
    Thecodfather209KnowAyeDearImTheOnlyDoctorkardyologypannapextondangussetJeanWindowsAneelalalaa
    • 925
    • RETWEETS
    Thecodfather209CorbettDonnaRoydsterdoystercumbrae911ImTheOnlyDoctorMattIsTiredpingbarglefarprachelharvs
    Erik_AllenVenusRockHobbit__
@SamGrittner

@SamGrittner

Lead Writer, http://www.InternetActionForce.com I believe the children are our future but no spoilers, please *** http://Witstream.com @TonightonGIRLS

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