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  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Gift @SamGrittner Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 14k
    • LIKES
    bluke_15hldinglegaIaxybabecolealeksandrKaileeA42elissapondrumandcocoaMedleyCorina
    • 9,671
    • RETWEETS
    BL1NDB34UTYwanehwaeditorcaseyrumandcocoamightymcdowellavtvnnnclgaram720sorrryimfrankie
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Behind every great woman is another great woman. They're everywhere.

    • 12k
    • LIKES
    slayortaylerxLiserxdylaramamusicCoLiN69JRyanHillegasspinkfloydmattyAndyKirchnerfoerdefoto
    • 8,824
    • RETWEETS
    crazysoullessluauizzyBenjaw1ncajuzinAndyKirchnermaddielurosfreshpitzcourtney_reigh
    JasonBanksComicOhNoSheTwitnt
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    *puts out arm*
    *falcon lands on it, perfectly*
    "I want everyone to know: I trained this bird."
    *mouths to falcon: who the fuck are you?*

    • 12k
    • LIKES
    NatashaIonovaflowercrownpapidoppelhangerAsh0398JasonMcDadeNatLanticatashinjawiieb
    • 5,536
    • RETWEETS
    KatherinaPaveg2Afghanistannadoppelhangerjohn_park258ChrisMKIIpootpootpoopiVince_43HeidiSibulawa
    huntigulaibid78DanMentosWhatevaConcEenfidelewfeez
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    I'm God's gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.

    • 9,554
    • LIKES
    PetrickSaraxLiserxJasonBanksComicKellyHealy6majorlanderclaire_seilerowyenbergBownuggets
    • 4,456
    • RETWEETS
    DCGreggsoftboyledowyenbergSteveDutzyjawnithunpatrick2geeMonkey1HouseaCATassTROPHY__
    LeahKnauerDonnie_FairburnCVTBabyPeachCoffinLostCatDogDryDickRando__pattymoErik_AllenTrueQuixoteCorbblah__________SCbchbumjonnysunUNTRESOR
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they're smart, confident, and aware they don't need us, so you should be worried.

    • 8,458
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicJarioo9BownuggetstheredrangerTsundereMatrixaunttellymMsrachelmzspicykeara
    • 5,030
    • RETWEETS
    ariscottJarioo9lindseylalalalafasdasdasdasdfSaxenaAparnaaunttellymjamelaariannabrianaproffitt
    SteveDutzy
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    If Google ever goes down and stays down, I'm fucked. I know four facts and they're all about elephants and I already forgot three of them.

    • 8,527
    • LIKES
    MrMooGertariscottNotawhinerBek_ArrachePanicAtTheSarahbrisaelizabetheveofaday21twentyone2121
    • 4,038
    • RETWEETS
    907bisJayxJoPetrickSaralizahazenornerygalPimpPenelopeReluctantHpstrmeganskittles
    TimHaines
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    They don't hire anyone at IKEA. People get lost there for a few years and eventually know where everything is. It's Restockholm syndrome.

    • 7,146
    • LIKES
    ALASKANSHIRTSjenneyyxdawkristinaMaxMortensonJasonBanksComicjumblesbumblesTheDairylandDonjoan_selwyn__
    • 4,546
    • RETWEETS
    _themexican1BrophyNedawkristinamasked_awesomelanzealviarcaterpeelarmariiilyneMaxMortenson
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    POLICE OFFICER: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
    ME: "Because you know I love riddles."

    • 6,985
    • LIKES
    JBarattMoperfectunion3DzDViewFromWisecallisonicisabellacogscotttrautschCatalyst_Red
    • 3,497
    • RETWEETS
    airbagmomentsViewFromWiseatuliumkittycatsqueakCharisma_EffectkrodNMJaredMay76she_nutt
    Erik_Allen
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    20s: I got my whole life ahead of me!
    30s: What the dick happened where is time going
    40s: FUCK
    50s: Fuck it
    60s: Neat my skin's translucent

    • 6,539
    • LIKES
    elizabeth_felsJasonBanksComicjensoosarjasonseeksUnderwaterCopsanchezjohnnyNini9566reynsbw
    • 3,080
    • RETWEETS
    RWT_13Nini9566t_esraelSamJurgenaariscottonelaptowinloatheromw2innisfree
    UNTRESOR
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Want to buy a gun? Cool. Promise you're not crazy. Promise? Cool. Want birth control? Whoa, lady. Let me ask five old dudes real slow first

    • 5,205
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicMentalErroristMsrachelmzcpalmerjones73LousyBastard70CeeksCaptnEliseJermHimselfish
    • 3,827
    • RETWEETS
    JajalepenoLousyBastardDaveCountystephsredhairFalhabeebmytextlifeL_penelopeJKraftyKirsten
    Karate_Horse
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    "Son, when I was your age we had to walk 50 miles uphill, in the snow with no shoes just to find out if hot, local singles were in the area"

    • 5,158
    • LIKES
    xLiserxJasonBanksComicmacchiatonumbBownuggetsmentalcandy0702quantum_vikingkatniss299MarcoNoronha7
    • 3,010
    • RETWEETS
    rubenluthmansam_web6skjalgistroyjones689alphabitchtweethighonthecouchDrooticusbornmiserable
    Michael_ErhartSteveDutzy
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    if a woman tells me she just wants be friends I say ok but I get to be rachel

    • 5,273
    • LIKES
    BethanyK3nerdybirbheeelizeJasonBanksComiccarolinefree3purmurriejasminecomedyaka_isabelle
    • 2,677
    • RETWEETS
    gwenersonJasonBanksComiclovesickgrandeFilmRelatedNamekelmattjuststineeericapalisConnorDoubleYou
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    *loses touch with reality*
    *awkwardly runs into reality at the grocery store*
    R: "So... how are things?"
    ME: "I'm growing tigers in my car."

    • 5,472
    • LIKES
    lawryburdmvcdonvldpencilcasey_JuliaPettyspokemonpinballDesuDesuBitchesWyanRilsonJasonBanksComic
    • 2,412
    • RETWEETS
    StittsAndAssRoomThoughtsDesuDesuBitchesIWearAKiltWyanRilsonEmilyGarrard3ReluctantHpstrkaylaamartini
    abbycohenwl
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Wait wait wait..... if there are gay characters in "Star Wars" what's next? Swords made out of lasers? Robots that talk? Outer space?

    • 4,515
    • LIKES
    phranqueighErnisseKaylamoonbyulyiiJohnOfTheShedGeorgeyDeakinPastaSteve36emmastrohmanSPoppink
    • 2,472
    • RETWEETS
    moonbyulyiilost_in_maguroMarinaVermilionnbdnowhereandybwyerjustmeDayanaVolchica341sntriechan
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    "The end." - Quentin Tarantino starting a bedtime story

    • 4,393
    • LIKES
    WillJonesMGMTarieledgeworthJasonBanksComicinastrillaajessiikohllrush311AprilMoscatihalloweenbears
    • 2,440
    • RETWEETS
    iamouji_ChelseaChelseahardi_surya_inastrillaaKyler_Janesos_its_syddanhentschelBossaNovaaa
    tastefactory
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Halloween is coming up and I still have no idea what I'm going to be for the rest of my life.

    • 3,623
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicislandrhythmzpeachpitheartjasminedyer100ErinChackPhixatedJaredSaged7423
    • 3,092
    • RETWEETS
    macaylanesbittMrKarkov420OhHeyLeonDanaBaxendalePeter_Bolandjbjamesbeckwithkennedydtaalex_theokay
    Erik_Allen
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Being an adult is like being a Quentin Tarantino movie: it starts out real cool, there's lots of cursing, it's very confusing, everyone dies

    • 3,319
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicSDPlissken1KelseyDalqlyon28keden14jtyler12UntoNuggansrieshoie
    • 2,504
    • RETWEETS
    teamYHPlovelaurenblackMNeese22qlyon28jtyler12jay_kearneyMullerCoreychachi1282
    Cpin42
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Earthquakes only happen when Johnny Depp breaks eye contact with Tim Burton.

    • 3,116
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicshobidubetulesairafiandydefMikey__YekimcallmehennersKayleesiTweetsSuperTeeWhy
    • 2,595
    • RETWEETS
    oxygwenNotTheRealElizabrzntkahunaburgrFarcMuscosdemke5IEatChawalpugilophile
    natewentworthBenesh_curlycomedyErik_AllenThisAlexSteinKKAlThanirobdelaney
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Ted Cruz is the physical manifestation of hearing your parents having sex.

    • 3,512
    • LIKES
    JennyWolfeKlings3lowthesleeping5JasonBanksComickrispythehumanlizwebpageAyeCompletEDITseanrawles
    • 1,647
    • RETWEETS
    JennyWolfeGayWithMyDadregananneliese2002sadgirlmahyarxnjjNfordcarlahdsAndre_GCM_
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    ISIS is so stupid. Don't they realize Santa is watching them? Lots of coal for those dummies.

    • 3,420
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicEcko_DaphasiroisyOgfherehusnabbasiBownuggetsregansandersjulicakes1
    • 1,734
    • RETWEETS
    julicakes1miscellmaniacalanhoundbaby_mow_mowbeckera11AdamHenleinspeakermyratheianwilkes
@SamGrittner

@SamGrittner

I have butterflies in my stomach. Why did I eat so many butterflies? @TonightonGIRLS IG: samgrittner Snapchat: samgrittner

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