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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Gift @SamGrittner Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 12k
    • LIKES
    lizpurrretoilelointaineXOSchitzoConny999malcolm33megntrammeleruthandersonandthe_machine
    • 8,409
    • RETWEETS
    MariaofDJPXOSchitzomalcolm33Lily_M_M_98bethp1387StephenOakmanwoozongijrussell
    OhNoSheTwitnt
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    *puts out arm*
    *falcon lands on it, perfectly*
    "I want everyone to know: I trained this bird."
    *mouths to falcon: who the fuck are you?*

    • 12k
    • LIKES
    incestguypstamatoLuddeDavidRissaxlrenLauraNFKryan_nitoSuaveLlavekerrryyobrien
    • 5,154
    • RETWEETS
    mqikelanwabisaobiwan_canolliNorthCole_pobric87yungalizzleRStudbakerMJLaLamck33nna
    ibid78DanMentosWhatevaConcEenfidelewfeez
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    I'm God's gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.

    • 9,550
    • LIKES
    TeriMorgan25pstamatoOnomatoSteveUhBrutusnutJustinLendlejmacatolChristina_kateeBrown653Brown
    • 4,455
    • RETWEETS
    jawnithunpatrick2geeMonkey1HouseaCATassTROPHYvivienneleeefareforwardeileeapocalypseMs_Glamour_Puss
    LeahKnauerDonnie_FairburnCVTBabyPeachCoffinLostCatDogDryDickRando__pattymoErik_AllenTrueQuixoteCorbblah__________SCbchbumjonnysunUNTRESOR
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they're smart, confident, and aware they don't need us, so you should be worried.

    • 8,456
    • LIKES
    theredrangerTsundereMatrixaunttellymMsrachelmzspicykearaapalomino123radelbergerReal_Dani_Nae
    • 5,029
    • RETWEETS
    SaxenaAparnaaunttellymkardashianhoeebrianaproffittScarlettfs14pabloblamirezKiersstynbraunswagg
    SteveDutzy
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    If Google ever goes down and stays down, I'm fucked. I know four facts and they're all about elephants and I already forgot three of them.

    • 8,493
    • LIKES
    PMcIlleceMaddyMorgannmaddie_ofarrellJenaYTofficialgnordgoathompson791drofkcorHooteyOwl
    • 4,036
    • RETWEETS
    Saintfan38theb_raxmintyguinnesssilentlypunktwerkasaurusrexdanmoser1961NestExpressed_bdsa
    TimHaines
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    They don't hire anyone at IKEA. People get lost there for a few years and eventually know where everything is. It's Restockholm syndrome.

    • 7,121
    • LIKES
    ZdenkoVoloderednitionandrewtufanosilvergellarMiraLaylajay_quails17shunradanlizzardthefab
    • 4,531
    • RETWEETS
    ZdenkoVoloderkathryntavaressilvergellarlizzardthefabMariaMichelle77gtswindlegwithian_klausysehrsloth
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    POLICE OFFICER: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
    ME: "Because you know I love riddles."

    • 6,749
    • LIKES
    macushla7ThadAbleschloemorris_baileycarp10KylePierce84Hayden_HydeAndreaHagen12gnordgo
    • 3,391
    • RETWEETS
    HarryWKMkorndawg444ChrlesGlass12tjcirimeleQueenofTacosgianitalsbrockburgzzthoBrady8693
    Erik_Allen
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    20s: I got my whole life ahead of me!
    30s: What the dick happened where is time going
    40s: FUCK
    50s: Fuck it
    60s: Neat my skin's translucent

    • 6,533
    • LIKES
    quantum_vikingsavsullivanchrislinezappzarappTnkjnbabevaleovaliumJonahSaltzmandanivdiddles
    • 3,079
    • RETWEETS
    onelaptowinloatheromw2innisfreeLawyerCat_midnitesocELIJAHKOUZA__phemale61michellemonroe
    UNTRESOR
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Want to buy a gun? Cool. Promise you're not crazy. Promise? Cool. Want birth control? Whoa, lady. Let me ask five old dudes real slow first

    • 5,204
    • LIKES
    MentalErroristMsrachelmzcpalmerjones73LousyBastard70CeeksCaptnEliseJermHimselfishR0ooooooo
    • 3,827
    • RETWEETS
    JajalepenoLousyBastardDaveCountystephsredhairFalhabeebmytextlifeL_penelopeJKraftyKirsten
    Karate_Horse
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    "Son, when I was your age we had to walk 50 miles uphill, in the snow with no shoes just to find out if hot, local singles were in the area"

    • 5,155
    • LIKES
    mentalcandy0702quantum_vikingkatniss299MarcoNoronha7AustinJGebbiaalphabellatrixgorillagaloshesskjalgis
    • 3,010
    • RETWEETS
    rubenluthmansam_web6skjalgistroyjones689alpharetweethighonthecouchDrooticusbornmiserable
    Michael_ErhartSteveDutzy
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    *loses touch with reality*
    *awkwardly runs into reality at the grocery store*
    R: "So... how are things?"
    ME: "I'm growing tigers in my car."

    • 5,470
    • LIKES
    yungalizzlequantum_vikingathompson791drofkcorRStudbakerPouraMorecoffeeLaurenWarmanuncleansed
    • 2,411
    • RETWEETS
    RStudbakerAnarchyDuckbigleg10erinneal307RyanReece8ScrewYouHomoniggahayhaystokesj25
    abbycohenwl
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    if a woman tells me she just wants be friends I say ok but I get to be rachel

    • 5,010
    • LIKES
    therealmarathabreinah10angelluisa94JillMetzlermarsss_17L_chacon1GareBear34quantum_viking
    • 2,360
    • RETWEETS
    ClassicCarmen_madisunnyjhenscheid1TexaswhodoCory_Menottialfie_giggleserica_macdSamLikesBoobs
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    "The end." - Quentin Tarantino starting a bedtime story

    • 4,370
    • LIKES
    emilyywalllLisa_BePunktKMKTweetsNowanniqua38santoshbmpatelmoiradonovan10LaFattymamdwallyy
    • 2,426
    • RETWEETS
    KingCelsoVIIanniqua38Rajyah_Nabila_Sharanispeakingofmadij_k_leyVsyliasannnnnnnnavic
    tastefactory
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Halloween is coming up and I still have no idea what I'm going to be for the rest of my life.

    • 3,622
    • LIKES
    jasminedyer100ErinChackPhixatedJaredSaged7423TerezGovroMaximusMuchochargalvani
    • 3,092
    • RETWEETS
    macaylanesbittMrKarkov420alfie_gigglesDanaBaxendalePeter_Bolandjbjamesbeckwithkennedydtaalex_theokay
    Erik_Allen
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Earthquakes only happen when Johnny Depp breaks eye contact with Tim Burton.

    • 3,115
    • LIKES
    betulesairafiandydefMikey__YekimcallmehennersKayleeFranSuperTeeWhycaldwaPSBStars
    • 2,595
    • RETWEETS
    oxygwenNotTheRealElizabrzntkahunaburgrFarcMuscosdemke5IEatChawalpugilophile
    natewentworthBenesh_curlycomedyErik_AllenThisAlexSteinKKAlThanirobdelaney
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Being an adult is like being a Quentin Tarantino movie: it starts out real cool, there's lots of cursing, it's very confusing, everyone dies

    • 3,218
    • LIKES
    RINZOIDfor_ogeCharity_GodwanaThePunStarvitorialuzmvolkingmusicHaidernesLoadedalltoonashville
    • 2,412
    • RETWEETS
    NigeriangodHayeasharThe_LegalHermitRINZOIDfor_ogeSerOwonlaSenatorT__1STDegree_M
    Cpin42
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    ISIS is so stupid. Don't they realize Santa is watching them? Lots of coal for those dummies.

    • 3,418
    • LIKES
    regansandersjulicakes1alanhoundtashakaluzynskidale_targaryen2e7cda16e590433MaddieRossermichalasation
    • 1,734
    • RETWEETS
    julicakes1miscellmaniacalanhoundbaby_mow_mowbeckera11AdamHenleinmyraqureshiitheianwilkes
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    If you're outraged by free music on your phone just wait until you hear about literally anything else

    • 2,688
    • LIKES
    KatieKowalskyGarynSimpsonJackDeMasiepumpkinplatypuskimlockhartgabrookekristaHalbeerzWill_DeMarco
    • 1,493
    • RETWEETS
    pretenshusimpishadmirableDollarBillCosbyUnicornSorbetEvargtepmeganowensxSickayduhkwasko
    redherringbear
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    "PUT DOWN THE GUN!"
    "Gun, you ugly and come from a broken home."
    "THAT WAS PERFECT BUT PHYSICALLY PUT IT DOWN."

    • 2,728
    • LIKES
    MariaRaveendranzxgravityxzCleverBeyondSayAmandaBihlerKahlanRuzickanate_hernandzWritepopJermHimselfish
    • 1,300
    • RETWEETS
    SamanthaWrinkleAamenaAhmedHowboutMeggsannalieselattHybridstheoriessupsairaBibsWWPDFalhabeeb
    ibid78
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    When a woman asks me how long I can last in bed I tell her it depends on how long someone brings me food and water but probably years.

    • 2,741
    • LIKES
    areyookiddingmeShaylynnRIddletrashbouquetDrSkitterboxGrunkle_MarcareallycoolgirlJacki_Harriswilbertoesq
    • 1,175
    • RETWEETS
    kbig48Gavo13SteveDutzyStoned_HusbandDrSkitterboxVegan_PragueGrunkle_Marcalfie_giggles
    Mike_BianchiOldUncleDaveOkantological__robfeeUNTRESORcravenheart______
@SamGrittner

@SamGrittner

Lead Writer, http://www.IAF.tv @InternetAction @TonightonGIRLS IG: samgrittner Snapchat: samgrittner

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