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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Gift @SamGrittner Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 9,879
    • FAVS
    MrsClaudiettajmcsingsActuallyNRAsmoo500thebookofalyssashortysdude285Matt_Eliacardull0
    • 4,204
    • RETWEETS
    ActuallyNRAsmoo500CaraCompasscitianVegapushead2atarbuckamosmicahjautajumzime
    ibid78DanMentosWhatevaConcEenfidelewfeez
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they're smart, confident, and aware they don't need us, so you should be worried.

    • 8,451
    • FAVS
    ELLENFUCKYEAHrolyatsjursenPlusTenJesusD_AlSheebErik_Allenjohno_kranofskytipsybrookeykieralderson
    • 5,027
    • RETWEETS
    Gents_a_Legendsri_gangstanraczmorgandumalaDeb_Libbypatricklee6669PlusTenJesusMuxi_
    SteveDutzy
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    I'm God's gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.

    • 7,210
    • FAVS
    JonPhillips_42Julio_Colonpatton_joshthe_rock_chictheejackiesmpagenictriciousjaycubed2k
    • 3,456
    • RETWEETS
    patton_joshHIGHdJOaerin_monsterjaycubed2ksaintoskenminealone6JoshJDeeFalhabeeb
    LeahKnauerDonnie_FairburnCVTBabyPeachCoffinLostCatDogDryDickRandopattymoErik_AllenTrueQuixoteCorbblah__________SCbchbumjonnysunUNTRESOR
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    20s: I got my whole life ahead of me!
    30s: What the dick happened where is time going
    40s: FUCK
    50s: Fuck it
    60s: Neat my skin's translucent

    • 6,530
    • FAVS
    poeksXxTMasseyotchingwanithetobbieKemisolaR2503AlexPronchuk19whitfitzy13kieralderson
    • 3,079
    • RETWEETS
    thetobbiertsSuperJuandererkaitbmoneymakerjdnATLThatBrenna_ADAMMM_rlinevatieyK
    UNTRESOR
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Want to buy a gun? Cool. Promise you're not crazy. Promise? Cool. Want birth control? Whoa, lady. Let me ask five old dudes real slow first

    • 5,202
    • FAVS
    Burds_1enantiomorphthedaelasuniasheaharryq15EmberynmorterlevFormerChild
    • 3,827
    • RETWEETS
    stephsredhairFalhabeebmytextlifeL_penelopeJKraftyKirstenNichoray86emilylimeTateRyann
    Karate_Horse
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    If Google ever goes down and stays down, I'm fucked. I know four facts and they're all about elephants and I already forgot three of them.

    • 6,056
    • FAVS
    abernackyn8kouangvan_cassieclark_Manda_like_wineluisbotello41jessmayerJimmyJLivehappyapplecider
    • 2,847
    • RETWEETS
    britsnowflakeHassanNathaJimmyJLivezerojayzclarelizabethEkweetniemanWindyCityRockrjacee0308
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    POLICE OFFICER: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
    ME: "Because you know I love riddles."

    • 5,373
    • FAVS
    Sava2xNahKaylan3omgitsARYTurlough7LMTLDNJordanAshleighRBurds_1TeenAngstLives
    • 2,672
    • RETWEETS
    hnmalhoytBigDaddyMegSamStanyonJonahOCTWevirlanSabadoGigante89censualsmanh3ll
    Erik_Allen
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    *loses touch with reality*
    *awkwardly runs into reality at the grocery store*
    R: "So... how are things?"
    ME: "I'm growing tigers in my car."

    • 5,339
    • FAVS
    comfynumb2012llaeddisharshi89KendraLSDezRondo_22yellowbirbmxurakatehipstersandwich
    • 2,364
    • RETWEETS
    ruthfw13Ameiya21mxurakatehipstersandwichnorktubaegrandma_owens_amymichaudqueenhofer
    abbycohenwl
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Behind every great woman is another great woman. They're everywhere.

    • 4,516
    • FAVS
    adamlevine420Jenna_IlaganconnorjnielsenRad_shackHannah_S_DavisScabberstherattmotrboatrStrawdocberries
    • 3,162
    • RETWEETS
    Simplissimus199taylorringlisjonnymcooteScabberstherattmotrboatrBlacmangeWinsnickilenkjoanbos23
    OhNoSheTwitnt
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    "Son, when I was your age we had to walk 50 miles uphill, in the snow with no shoes just to find out if hot, local singles were in the area"

    • 4,670
    • FAVS
    Andreas493ryleyking14kdrozermichael_meowmixReallyfamoussVanilla_cupcakImDylanFogleedOG5585
    • 2,700
    • RETWEETS
    scootch77melissanicole29kdrozerBarryHartiganVanilla_cupcakedOG5585histwaddleaKhalifa101
    Michael_ErhartSteveDutzy
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    if a woman tells me she just wants be friends I say ok but I get to be rachel

    • 5,006
    • FAVS
    DobbinAnTweetinCoolAdult93rebeccaaayoungO_FromThe6julie_mccormHannahLendinojonas_hanssonBreyonceee
    • 2,358
    • RETWEETS
    FalhabeebRynhardt152Alejandraortigkyraarobertssavannah_ailiffspurtemusSoGoFuVanilla_cupcak
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Earthquakes only happen when Johnny Depp breaks eye contact with Tim Burton.

    • 3,114
    • FAVS
    Burds_1samantha_faivorbseykaHarryCreffieldNotMeganFieldsNikiWithIssuesFarcMuscoEthan_Franks27
    • 2,595
    • RETWEETS
    brzntkahunaburgrFarcMuscosdemke5IEatChawalpugilophileJoewagosimiamomo
    natewentworthBenesh_curlycomedyErik_AllenThisAlexSteinKKAlThanirobdelaney
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    "The end." - Quentin Tarantino starting a bedtime story

    • 2,749
    • FAVS
    Burds_1Dwilk32TaySizemary08leeAngryPocketsKallan_LeAnnabbeyw29j4yxson9
    • 1,447
    • RETWEETS
    Araceli_oboistaBMBestIEverHadBlurtOutBabukoquettisht4yl0r_isshortthebigG_69NotoriousJhoodoatmaster33
    tastefactory
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    If you're outraged by free music on your phone just wait until you hear about literally anything else

    • 2,637
    • FAVS
    sugarcritsVoldemorts_LordmavisritafarrowBurds_1luisbotello41nadiacomanetchyNoticablyBacongreggjgc79
    • 1,484
    • RETWEETS
    sugarcritsVoldemorts_Lordgreggjgc79WindyCityRockrtoomanytoesawpoopUnSub_95KnoxvilleAFC__
    redherringbear
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    "PUT DOWN THE GUN!"
    "Gun, you ugly and come from a broken home."
    "THAT WAS PERFECT BUT PHYSICALLY PUT IT DOWN."

    • 2,726
    • FAVS
    Burds_1mkdilletruckgirl199xoxo_safiaabrar12343hafsa_quraishi_HSIDDyunganomie
    • 1,300
    • RETWEETS
    AamenaAhmedHowboutMeggsannalieselattHybridstheoriessupsairaBibsWWPDFalhabeebdustinddd
    ibid78
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    When a woman asks me how long I can last in bed I tell her it depends on how long someone brings me food and water but probably years.

    • 2,733
    • FAVS
    katebudge_ReturnFrom86MBiles_onume_Ben_MillarLongHairedNiggaold_n_highMs_Xtina
    • 1,154
    • RETWEETS
    Burds_1ReturnFrom86Falhabeebcarol_kawiraonume_old_n_highMs_Xtinakrishna_van
    Mike_BianchiOldUncleDaveOkantological__robfeeUNTRESORcravenheart______
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    *goes to housewarming party*
    *turns up thermostat*
    *leaves*

    • 2,550
    • FAVS
    Burds_1mjstriebichVanilla_cupcakGeez_PathanDenise_FeruniaKhalifa101___dingodopkenz
    • 1,115
    • RETWEETS
    BaraaSopranoSaudiBookwormFalhabeebblue_stockingVanilla_cupcakGazelleAtLargeabjohnson52Naughtybits247
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    When he turns 85, rapper T.I. will turn into a graphing calculator.

    • 1,837
    • FAVS
    Burds_1aKhalifa101meekrabscloudypianosPaulyMoshSlyPinkspyMrJack5150ExitThaWarrior
    • 1,744
    • RETWEETS
    ExitThaWarriorWTFisSwaggerAxholetheGreatPalidoConPecasdreamthievinAndrewBrauerDw_ghtHunsuckr
    hamspamtymaamOhNoSheTwitntErik_Allen
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Any pizza is personal if it killed your father

    • 2,152
    • FAVS
    themjkelleyteaotehuiaAnorexicanSrfbortpleatherface24ryantpowellryanabusaidibbarb74
    • 982
    • RETWEETS
    scrappledogkiley_stokesAlanaMatteiBurningPalmsyChodeCommanderimfrickenjimSidusNovachelleari
    murrman5BigE_Smooth______Erik_Allen
  • SamGrittner
      Sam Grittner @SamGrittner

    Imagine liking someone enough to answer their phone call

    • 1,866
    • FAVS
    Burds_1LamzierougeMistahBungle__chanonistakylerselbyJungleStrikeGuyLuluFagtmonolithcomplex
    • 1,218
    • RETWEETS
    arid93MistahBungle__JungleStrikeGuyLuluFagtNyxxisniteProcrastinEatinSteveDutzyyoungmeerim
    Erik_Allen
@SamGrittner

@SamGrittner

Lead Writer, http://www.InternetActionForce.com @InternetAction @TonightonGIRLS Instagram: samgrittner

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