Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Sometimes It actually pains me that I am a muggle. I still believe that my letter got lost in owl transit.
Talking in circles and chasing the tail of a lovedrunk distant memory.
There's a guy at walmart buying a baby gate and condoms... I think you might be a little late with the protection there buddy.
If changing 6 poopy diapers and playing Lets Tackle the Baby Sitter and Jump On Her Stomach isnt good birth control then I dont know what is
There's a porn website bookmarked on my computer at home. I'm very disturbed.
"I think girls watch food network the same reason guys watch porn..."
I'd like to send a special thank you out to all of my close friends for not getting pregnant or engaged right now. #knockonwood #ifeelold
Just ate a thing of butter for a dollar #yourenothardcore #unlessyoulivehardcore
If was summer and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gray couch. "Oh look," cried Ned. And then the kingdom was his forever. The end!
I'm always scared a ghost will slam my bathroom door and trap me in there for Bloody Mary to eat.... #irratonaltweet
Isn't that just kick you in the crotch, spot on your neck fantastic?!
Today I made a dirty joke that it took a group of boys a minute to get. I feel so accomplished!
"Tell your wife she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck."
Dear Molly, I will be watching over your Fred just as you have been watching over my Harry. Sincerely, Lily.
I'm Samantha. I'm 20 and I like the color blue, sparkles, and cookie dough. I tweet like I'm famous, I'm shameless.