Sorry I don't get to tweet that often. Shooting t-shirts out of my vagina at football games takes a lot out of me.

I hate when I use my ether rag to wipe clown load out of my snatch.

Back in my stripping days I'd leave the pole slimier than the stage at the kids choice awards.

If you haven't been sitting on a park bench and opened your legs to find cotton candy spinning in your uterus, we have nothing in common.

I won't be satisfied with my kegel achievements until I can open a Chunky Soup can with my cunt.

The bottom of my purse is filled with stray birth control pills, spoons and lollipops. Just like my vagina.

My vagina pics come with a complimetary plastic Red Lobster bib.

This twitter thing is as refreshing as the first time I 'accidentally' put eucalyptus lotion on my butthole.

My vagina will latch on to your face like the safety bar on a rollercoaster.

I only shove Barbies in my vagina so my inner-child has something to play with.

Looks like Summer's Eve ain't gonna cut it. Maybe this lighter fluid will do the trick..

Missionary with a fat person is like doing 'the worm'.

When the bum shoved my panties in my mouth and brutally fucked me, all I could think was, "I should quit using Downy."

When only dudes star my tweets, my vagina just knowingly nods and calls me a whore.

Flirting with a homeless man got a little out of hand when a kegel demonstration mangled his shopping cart.

I want you to postmark my tramp stamp.

The water in my vagina is so stagnant, I just harvested the second generation of tadpoles.

I vacuum seal my vagina, for optimum freshness.

My pussy brings all the hazmat suits to the yard.

Maybe my porn career would have flourished if I wouldn't have insisted on being called Busty Lesions.