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Tweeps give stars instead of applause, because it take two free hands to applaud.
If Superman robs a bank, and spins the Earth back before the robbery, is the cash in the bank or his pocket. I need to know these things.
If you're looking for something poorly written, rife with inconsistencies, and dull as dirt. I recommend my tweets... or The Bible.
Normally I would find the phrase "someone blew a transformer" funny, but when it means I'm without internet, not so much.
Feelin' like a total moron. Tried to type a comma six times, kept getting a semicolon, then I brushed the speck off the screen.
There is nothing to fear, but fear itself. That skinhead in the alley with a knife is a real kitten.
When I see a guy with a shaved chest and his bio includes, "actor, model, dancer," I assume he meant, "fairy princess."
Fuck you, Folgers. The best part of wakin' up is the still breathing part.
I'm a 3 star person in a 300 star world.
I'm in for hell. My dog farted, sniffed her own ass, then jumped up and left the room. Call 911 if I don't tweet again.
Why would I wanna find that someone who completes me? Then I would be a complete asshole.
Tell me again how you found god, when you can't even find Canada on a map.
Hmm, I've been unfollowed by a fitness person. I would chase 'em down to ask why, but this sofa is SO comfy.
Retweeting an egg avi just encourages it to never hatch.
I read that the Catholic church removed several priests. The church apparently decided to give up pedophiles for Lent.
22 followers, yet your tweets are locked. Kinda like a crazy man on street corner with a bullhorn......inside a plastic bubble.
Fortune cookie said that 90 days from that day, my fondest dream would come true, apparently my fondest dream was a new pack of tube socks.
The christian right fears letting homosexuals serve in the military. They might lose their favorite priests/ministers.
<--- Cynical long before Twitter made it fashionable.
I was born. I'm alive. I'll die. Same as your story, I'm sure.
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