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Twitter is like "Frasier": so many telling smart & sexy jokes, so few actually getting laid.
Solving the puzzle of life is hard if you're missing a piece.
Keep your friends close, but keep your beer even closer.
So, what is such a nice avi doing in a timeline like this?
If listening to your fav music makes you feel old, it's because you're not dancing to it.
I do not beg to differ, I do it.
Don't let other people's fears stop you in finding your happiness.
Being listed on 68 lists for, like, forever. Is it too much to ask for a 69? It's not like it's real life here.
Why is it that the human being's life is often most underestimated by the very owner of that life?
We are misfits that fit perfectly together.
In light of the recent events, we should turn off the light.
"Saturday: 1st date. Sunday: don't call. Monday: 2nd date. Tuesday: call. Wednesday: hump day." Excerpt from the Creative Guide to Dating.
The Devil doesn't have to come up with new ideas - there are more than enough in my timeline alone.
There's no more beer in the fridge, only tequila, grenadine and OJ. What to do till sunrise, what to do?
Men hate the evolution because it gives the women the power of selection.
I sacrifice my tweets at the altar of The Goddess of Twitter. Bloody mess!
My profile says "111 following 69 followers". So 111 stalkers are following the people sharing the same favorite position, right?
I prefer having sex James Bond style - with double O faces and 7 used condoms.
In today's news: Twitter's DM system seized working, forcing a massive sext coitus interruptus worldwide. Stay (keep yourself) tuned...
Just another alien spying on Earthlings. You're funny.
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