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Courting through txt msgs and facebook is awesome but I miss good ol' fashion stalking by moonlight with binoculars and shit.
This day is about to get titty-kicked so hard it's gonna be sharting milk.
How come the surprise baggage is never, "Oh, and by the way.. I'm a virgin.".
Licking the coffee grinds at the bottom of your cup means you need to move on to stronger stimulants.
It was a tough call between jerking off and calling you so I decided to multitask.
Twitter is kind of like Magic the Gathering for pedophiles, stalkers, and whores.
I'm pretty sure the supermarket has some sort of forgetful force-field around it.
Fuck you Twitter!! Who needs all these random people anyway!!!
I'm just kidding, I need you guys.
Ok, if you have a facebook page with no pictures of you on it, WHAT GOOD IS THAT?!?!?!
Sincerely,
Your friendly neighborhood cyber-stalker
Sometimes you just gotta say fuck. Other times followed by this, you, it, her, him, me, us, the world, your dog, my life, or taxable income.
I need some sort of crippled pet that I can smother with love and is incapable of running away.
"I was following that person before they even HAD a twitter!!" - Creepy guy who thinks he's a hipster.
You'd think with all the keyboard shortcuts I know, I'd be getting laid more often.
I'm creeping up on happiness, I'm gonna tie that mutherfucker up in my closet when I get to him. You guys can play with him too if you want.
Do people actually get DMs of titties and dicks on here or is that just some sort of urban myth?
Guys want girls who will love them unconditionally, be freaky as fuck in bed, and make a badass sandwich afterwards.
It's so cute how we all put up this humorous front to bide time until we're comfortable enough to show each other pictures of our genitals.
I stutter in under 140 characters.
