I don't always curse on Twitter, but when I do, I fucking curse like a fanfuckingtastic motherfucker! #StayFuckingCoolMyFriends

What'd she hit ya with? lmao! RT @irattleihead: <=== recently learned if she says "I'm gonna cum" don't stop to ask "really?"

#NowTHATSfunny RT @drangula: Can't wait for "The Last of the Mohicans Part II: Turns Out There's Another Mohican."

HELL yes! #mynewtwittercrush RT @irattleihead: if you pronounce the "s" in Illinois... I'm gonna stab you with the "k" in knife.

Brilliant. #TruerWords RT @deviousbydesign: If you're petty little cunt all your life, life's gonna send you nothing but petty problems.

@gneicco That's Ms. *Mc*Asskicker, Mr. Poo Bottle! ;-)

I haz works to do now. But I wants to sleeeeep more. Stupid money, you win. I needs you.

RT @the_hedgehogs: Morning breath is a pretty unambiguous indicator that we are not meant to interact this early.

#FTMFW ! RT @slyoung5: A very rude guy hit on me today, "Can I at least get in your pants?" I said, "I already have an asshole in there"

Good to know. Was considering it. #NoNotReally RT @scbchbum: Duct tape is not a quality substitute for a Brazilian wax job.

#FTMFW!! RT @hormonella: Drivers who pull U-Turns right in front of me in rush hour traffic will henceforth be know as U-Tards.

Wait. He's Kuzco?! LOL! #TheEmperorsNewGroove #Disney RT @hormonella: RT @billmc7: Taylor Lautner is just a gay alpaca. http://t.co/cCTKTy5

My new goal in life! Change from Nazi to Angel! :) RT @jessicafancy: I wish instead of Grammar Nazis there were Grammar Angels.

I agree we had to stand up for ourselves, but the time to stand down has long since past. I agree we had to (cont) http://t.co/RYcAbRT

*splutter!* Bbwaahahahahaa! #iResembleThatRemark #TheShelf RT @juicymorsel: Cleavage is a booby trap for crumbs.

@cerebralbeef He looks cranky... Damn that early-morning trip to the hospital to force him out of his hidy-hole!! Also, he looks beefy! ;)

@themanwife Maybe if you stop licking your thumb & using it to clean schmutz off interviewers' faces you'll get more callbacks. #MrMom

Crowded stores & bratty kids make ME want to punch strangers! RT @savvystrider: Airports make me want to punch strangers.