I want a bf but I'm never in the mood for dating around, I'd totally go on a date if it meant we could stay at home in sweats and have sex.

I really want an ambien but I'm scared I might go sleep fuck the homeless guy outside.

Grocery stores have the best playlists! I just got to experience the best solo dance party down the cereal aisle.

Yes it's true ladies, girls with tattoos fuck better. http://t.co/h6igkfD2

I tattoo my body so men know its ok to graffiti me with their penis too. http://t.co/L3f8jCCH

I'll have whatever Amanda Bynes is having…

I like a man with great child-bearing hips.

I want your bed to be our bed.

I base 95% of my major life decisions on what my horoscope says.


...not workin' out that great.

I'm in my lingerie, where is Kelly Monaco to come make sweet girl love to me? pic.twitter.com/ZJHMtjsM

I used to fuck 20-year-olds til' I found out that 30-year-olds know how to get it done right so I don't fuck with 20-year-olds anymore.

If I get a pregnancy for valentines day I'm gonna be so pissed.

no panties, no shirt like a real hood rat girl. http://t.co/1mDFIX9G

Fuck me. pic.twitter.com/1jg26PCf

It only takes 1 xanax and 3 orgasms to push me into the realm of pure blissful sleep.

All I want is a super hot, tall guy to take me to a 5 star secluded resort on some island and fuck me on our private balcony over the water.

Every time I get more than like 25 followers in one night I naturally wonder which one of my exes leaked a naked pic, I can't be THAT funny.

im ready for my favorite coffee shop in silverlake, lookin' hipster as fuck. pic.twitter.com/PRkYOwJk

I'z always bean wonderin' things like y's my tits gots ta b so small wen my body be so bangin? http://t.co/OWAmHyB5

If you put a beard on a pumpkin I'd probably try to fuck it.