@Sassynic's (Nicole ✔) most faved Tweets...
When you told me to watch your kid, you really meant to drink all your alcohol and pass out in front of re-runs of "Supernanny"....right?!
Having a mental illness flare up during a job interview will lose u the job. Having it during a reality show audition will get u on the show
I dropped the soap in the shower and absolutely nothing happened. Was I in the wrong shower or was I just totally dissed?
Kids love magic tricks that take coins from their ears. Cops hate magic tricks that make their guns disappear. Just sayin'.
While picking up the tot's toys, I almost confused my legs with one of his stuffed animals. May be about time to shave.....
Does anyone have the number to Adult Protective Services? I was just attacked by my toddler...again. I'm ready to make my escape....
Tonight: This vodka and soda doesn't taste like anything but soda. Tomorrow: *sip* OMG I was drinking this??? It tastes like straight vodka!
Having one of those days when stress is finally making me feel as if I was hit by a truck. Too bad it wasn't a truck carrying vodka. Mmmmm..
Tired of seeing the same faces on Leaderboard on Favstar? Put my face on one for a change. Related: How to force people to like you.
First rule of mom club: "Never talk about what really goes down when you're finally alone in the bathroom while the fam bangs on the door."
It doesn't matter where you come from, it matters where you're going....I'm headed to the kitchen for more ice for the vodka....want some?
It is freezing here in Miami this morning. Guess this is what people meant by "When Hell freezes over!". Yay, I'm finally getting that pony!
Teaching a toddler self-control is like teaching a Spaniel to pour me a vodka and diet coke....or something like that.
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