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Does anyone else just make snow angels on their bed trying to find their phone?
Google says i might need surgery, everyone else just told me to take advil
Can we talk about why colonel is pronounced like kernel?
"Fuck this counter" - me. After i run into it
if confetti fell on me when i did something better than average i think i would try more in life
i wish europe was a real place
How come people in AA are the farthest thing away from being anonymous? Those people love talking about it
looked up how to become a stripper today, so let's just say my life is right on track
my therapist told me i was funny today so i think i might start doing stand up
i finally made up my mind. AND i wanna be korean
If you guys think about it... thinking is so weird it's like talking to yourself, but in your mind. Seriously think about it
I notice myself saying "fuck off" a lot when I'm on doing everything besides twitter
It is normal to be so deep in facebook that you're looking at wedding pictures of people you have never met right? Jamaica looked fun too.
I can't even imagine what it's like to be a morning person
if there was a job where you sang all the time, sang bad all the time, and talked to yourself. i would be soo good at that job.
I like it when people are telling jokes and someone just takes it way too far for everyone in the room besides for me, I love those moments
I wish i had an accent so there was something going for me
Guys I think I did something really wrong, my dog won't look me in the eyes
It's one of those drink as much as I can nights
Are raisins the old people of grapes?