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I could absolutely be a Victoria's Secret model... I mean, provided I could stop planning my next meal before my current one is over.
Accidentally liked someone’s photo while stalking them? The best thing to do is to throw your phone away and set yourself on fire.
The girls who tweet their horoscopes every day are the same girls you find covered in blue WKD and crying in the toilet before midnight.
If by 'plus one' you mean handbag vodka then yes, I will bring be bringing a plus one to your kid's stupid fucking christening.
I love how they put expiry dates on boxes of celebrations, like I won’t have eaten the whole contents within an hour of getting home.
Feeling so stressed at how much you need to do, you just close the laptop and start drinking.
Someone, somewhere is sat there thinking what a wonderful impact you've made on their life.
It's not me though. I think you're an arsehole.
*New Post* Carrie Bradshaw is a dick. http://scarletwonderland.com/carrie-bradshaw-is-a-dick …
Adding ‘haha’ to the end of a message to try and sound less of a heartless bitch.
Life is SO unfair. Why does eating make you fat? Bullying people should make you fat. Being a gobshite should make you fat. Why eating?
In the war of not giving a fuck, the lad next to me at the bar who just ordered "whatever's easiest" is winning.
Has anyone really ever got salmonella from licking raw cake batter out the bowl, or are people just trying to stop me from enjoying my life?
Admit it girls, we've all got a wank bank.
I guess the person who called it a ‘mobile’ phone didn’t anticipate us all lying on the couch, covered in crumbs, scrolling through twitter.
Some of the statuses on Facebook are fascinating. I never knew there was so many ways to say, ‘give me attention’.
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