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I could absolutely be a Victoria's Secret model... I mean, provided I could stop planning my next meal before my current one is over.
Accidentally liked someone’s photo while stalking them? The best thing to do is to throw your phone away and set yourself on fire.
The girls who tweet their horoscopes every day are the same girls you find covered in blue WKD and crying in the toilet before midnight.
All food I buy should read: "Serving size: probably the whole thing in less than half an hour, you fat fuck."
If by 'plus one' you mean handbag vodka then yes, I will bring be bringing a plus one to your kid's stupid fucking christening.
It only takes one dickhead to make you realise that, inherently, you're a vindictive bitch at heart.
I love how they put expiry dates on boxes of celebrations, like I won’t have eaten the whole contents within an hour of getting home.
Not everyone is going to love you. Most people don't even love themselves.
Feeling so stressed at how much you need to do, you just close the laptop and start drinking.
Someone, somewhere is sat there thinking what a wonderful impact you've made on their life.
It's not me though. I think you're an arsehole.
I can't cope. Tomorrow I'm ringing in 'copeless' - it's a bit like hopeless, but I just can't even.
*New Post* Carrie Bradshaw is a dick. http://scarletwonderland.com/carrie-bradshaw-is-a-dick …
Adding ‘haha’ to the end of a message to try and sound less of a heartless bitch.
If you ever think I’m ignoring you then I promise I am; my phone is in my hand 24/7.
Don't send a text if you're angry. Wait a bit. Have a few of drinks. Chat to your mates. Get yourself really wound up. Then send it.
I never feel more like I've got my shit together than when I'm wearing matching underwear.
I've made a lot of mistakes but I definitely have my favourites.
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