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Is there a way to just turn off ALL sappy shit I'm not here for high school poetry I'm here to get my dick wet.
I should have made a parody account.But NOO. I had to be honest.Yep I'm the one person that does that.Take a picture of this fucking unicorn
I was in my high school play of "The Wizard of Oz".
I was Tree #4 and got a scholarship for college.
I played the fuck out of that tree.
I’ve always wanted to do little random comic strips. Hope you like the first one… pic.twitter.com/Ej9JUCMFnI
You can win any argument by taking your shirt off and high-fiving an invisible dragon. No one’s gonna continue arguing with that person.
People love to use sarcasm because they can hide genuine contempt disguised as irony.
You know it'll be an awesome day when your ex is plastered on the front page of the paper.
Some sharks have 50 rows of teeth and shed around 35,000 in a lifetime. Too far, nature. Too far.
Life's a bitch and what do we do with bitches? We ignore the bullshit, show them up and keep moving on.
Lady, I am a force to be reckoned with. Now give me back my glitter glue. I have scrapbooking to do. Don't fuck with a scrapbooker.
That was pretty cool of God to put a vagina on all the crazy people he created. Makes them easier to spot.
If she ever adds an -ie to your name, she’s never going to fuck you. Sorry Seanie :(
Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate
Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate
Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate
Hate hate hate hate
Going to the Bahamas. Back Saturday. Don't forget about me, people who live in my phone. Rawwwwwwr
Welcome to Twitter. The Sorting Hat will now assign you to one of the four Twitter houses: ●Cuntindor. ●Hufflepun ●Ravencock. ●Sluterin.