We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people

Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.

If there is a zombie outbreak in Vegas, does it stay in Vegas?

#1 rule in arguments: If you're losing, start correcting their grammar

I feel bad for kids these days that see a cool toy on tv but cant have it cause their parents have to be over 18 to order it :(

if a cop pulls you over and says, "Papers" just say, "Scissors, I win" and drive away

I'm not a morning person.. or a night time person.. I don't even think I'm a person

Making someone else smile is the best feeling

Why is there a show called When Animals Attack? It should be called When Stupid People Go Near Dangerous Animals

Why does toilet paper NEED a commercial? Who is not buying toilet paper?

I dont think tubes of toothpaste ever run out. We just get tired of squeezing the hell out of it so we replace it

Cut my life into pizzas

Intelligence is sexy

you can either clean your house, or drink it pretty

Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.

grammar: The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit

I will never del my FB or twitter. I dont need to make a "statement" to say I dont need them. If I'm too busy for them I just dont log in

#WhyRelationshipsEnd: Facebook.

Twitter Tip: If u want more followers stop thinking about how interesting YOU are & take some time to notice & engage with others

Noooooo, another trending #hashtag with poor grammar. #MentionSomeoneYourGladYouMet.. THAT'S THE WRONG FORM OF "YOUR" #fail