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Halloween Ideas for Girls:
1. Get a dictionary
2. Open it to a random page
3. Add the word 'sexy'
4. BOOM. You're a Sexy Parallelogram!
"I hate you so much I could just rip my own ass off and die!"
You should never try to move someone with a neck injury as they won't have much patience for poetry or song right then
Miss someone? Paint a helium balloon like their face. Deflate it. Put it in your back pocket. They're still gone and that was weird advice.
so messed up how you need to own a shirt to go in & buy a shirt
There's no straight way to wash a carrot.
JUST REALIZED SHARKS CANT EVEN PLAY CONNECT FOUR FUCK EVERYTHING MY PAINTING IS RUINED
According to old paintings, there's mad titties in heaven.
The year is 2005. Hollaback Girl is playing. We find a table and discuss how we each decided on our MySpace top 8. Everyone is ok with this.
Narcissistic sure is a weird way to pronounce amazing.
The best thing about the Transformers trilogy was the part in the first one when my brother went to go get popcorn and fell down the aisle.
Pretty unfair how when a girl has a ponytail, she "didn't do her hair today" but if a guy has one, he's considered this big-time mega stud.
I'd probably buy a lot more DVDs if they stopped wrapping them in indestructible witch-plastic.
Couch sex will always turn into floor sex. It's science.
IF SIMBA COULD GROW TO THE SIZE OF A HEALTHY ADULT LION EATING BUGS THEN SO CAN I
"So....sad.....must...text...everyone I know..."
Girl are you Scar from the lion king because you hurt my pride
Life is what happens while you're taking pictures of cats.
I'm having a birthday party. I wish you could all come, except you'd just stand around on your phones tweeting the whole time.
Half of life is being polite to people you're not sexually attracted to