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Try going a whole day with replacing every proper noun with "thingy". People will love you for it.
JUST realized I don't care what the difference between an ass, a mule, a burrow, and a donkey is. I can't sleep. I feel selfish.
I'm not saying I'm naive, but I thought Crystal Meth was an 80's comic book for girls.
Get in shower. Soap up face. Absentmindedly open eyes. Scream. Spend the rest of the night wondering how you survived THIS long.
I kinda geeked out in that last tweet. Sorry. (Martian Manhunter is just shaking his head at me.)
I will only watch a new Star Wars movie if 100% of it takes place in the Mos Eisley cantina.
Screaming "I'm not your boyfriend!" at door-to-door solicitors can be the highlight in many a ho-hum day.
Heeeey...how can EVERYBODY have (or be) the best dad in the world? This contest is fixed!
I call this grocery store "Awful Songs Stuck in My Head Plus Produce".
That Admiral Ackbar looks delicious.
I'm calling this diaper bin the Ark of the Covenant. Not to be sacrilegious, but because, upon opening, my face melted off.
I'd home school my kids, but I think they need to know more than just useless 80's trivia.
Haven't seen Yahoo Serious in a movie in a while. I blame society.
There sure are a lot of different species of animal that can ride a unicycle better than me. :(
I'll only believe the end of the world is coming when the Weather Network's 7 day outlook only has 6 days on it.
I love it when my 7yo daughter starts a sentence with "Dad, did you know..." and it's something I didn't.
I get ready for swimsuit season by first celebrating swimsuit solstice.
If snails moved faster, their shells would hypnotize us and they'd be our snail overlords. I have too much time to think about shit.
father/husband, writer/performer, comedy/horror, half of Reid Along With Browning, new wave/hippy.