Told my wife today she looked sexy with black fingernails

Now she thinks I slammed the car door on them on purpose !!!!!

Twitter I'm so so sorry I can't stand the guilt any longer I must confess I checked out my old FB account today but it means nothing to me

I love it when she RTs me

it's like she's finally ready to introduce me to her friends and family

An apple a day may keep the doctor away but a #squirt a day keeps frustration at bay

You read through your TL daily star&retweet tweets you find amusing then you come across that 1 tweet that you want to star over and over

The easiest way to get what you want is to help others get what they want !!

If you can imagine it

You can achieve it.


If you can dream it

You can become it.

I've just realised everyone on twitter seems to love cats!!!


I hate cats does that mean I have to leave ???

At 12 yo my mom asked what I'd like for xmas
I replied something to wear & something to play with
She got me trousers with pockets cut off

Mother in laws birthday today. I told her she doesn't look a day over 75. Turns out she's 70

Oops my bad

If you are looking for mystery or intrigue I'm sorry but you've come to the wrong place this is twitter

In my bathroom I see alcohol free sterile wipes. Alcohol free mouth wash

I call bullshit
When is alcohol ever free

A piece of advise for women
If you don't want a player
Don't play games !!!

At a party today & it was a total sausagefest Except. It wasn't really a party. It was work. & there was no sausage Just a bunch of dicks

I'm so clumsy I'm always loosing stuff




like take today for example


I somehow lost 3 followers

Ugh so careless of me !!

Please steal my tweets, because I’ll know you liked the shit I wrote.

14 years ago today the birth of my 1st son made me the proudest man alive and still every time I look at him I fill with pride. Love him

Just thought you guys should know
I'm the boss in my house. Nobody disobeys me !!

Well except the wife and my two sons oh and the dog

I'm so close to 1000,000 followers now only need 999,949 more so 1 last push every 1 :)

I sometimes scroll through my TL reading tweets guessing if the person writing these tweets are High. Pissed or
sober. High is winning