if u can’t handle me at my Bill Cosby then u sure as hell don’t deserve me at my zip zop boobety bop

Why do you people protect your tweets from strangers? I thought we were all a community of stalkers....

Zak is jumping around the house and pretending to be Edward Cullen. AND BITING MY NECK OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!!

So a sports thing happened tonight

Nefarious Fauxpod. #sixseasonsandamovie

#ThankyouJesús You did an excellent job on those tiles.

The Great Gatsby soundtrack is so dope. We haven't had a great movie soundtrack in quite awhile.

I dreamed a dream there were no memes

I ship game of thrones with Seinfeld.

@chelseavperetti lil wayne might try to beat drizzy to the punch

A habit I picked up from @thatzak is to convert price of everything and convert it into cheeseburgers.

I can't type or send my text/tweet because all the traffic lights are green #firstworldproblems

This valentine's day, I'm literally giving from my heart at the American Red cross station

SPORTS! BALLS! TEAMS! MASCULINITY! COMMERCIALS! POP STARS! WINNING! Do you guys accept me yet?

If you don't like Five Guys, then you can get out of my country.

My boss sent me to Popeyes and Good lord.....I never want to set foot in this hokey godforsaken place ever again. The horror...the horror...

Instead of apologizing for NOT making a video in a while, I want certain youtubers to apologize for MAKING videos.

If someone broke out into song in my high school cafeteria, I'd very happy. The school cop would mace everyone though :-\

I skipped going to a school social event to go take a nap. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER! Disregard new friendships, acquire sleep.

I'm almost 19 years old and my mom still packs my lunch. That's not sad, That's awesome! Why would I want to pack my own lunch?!