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Finding someone to be silly with, is one of the best underrated pleasures.
Don't scream. I came to your house because you never responded to my DMs. Are you OK?
If you think my tweets are ridiculous you should see my life choices.
Just read a tweet so offensive that I just ignored it and continued with my fucking life.
If you don't want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
I quit cocaine, but now I'm on Twitter. Nice move addictive personality, Nice Move.
I followed my heart. Now I'm in the liquour store.
Life fucks me because I'm sexy right?
Your soulmate is unhappily married with another person. Have a nice day.
Some people follow their dreams, I follow lunatics on the internet.
"Do whatever makes you happy. Not that. That's stupid."
There's only one thing more sexy than a smart Girl.
Stop being weird. You're turning me on.
You had me at: I read books.
You know that moment when you connect with someone and you feel alive? Avoid that. That's how love starts and I don't recommend it.
Feelings are like little terrorists that sabotage our logical thinking.
If a girl stabbed me on our first date, how many days should I wait to ask her out again?
Understand her body language. If she is crying, you're a fucking asshole.
Today is my anniversary.
4 years clean.
Best day ever.
You say stalker, I say fan club president.
Sometimes I'm insightful and witty; then I wake up. Inspirational asshole.