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It's Twitter. We write jokes to make each other laugh. It's free and fucking addictive. Like the good things in life.
Excuse me, ladies. But you are sexier when you stop giving a shit about society and its fake concept of beauty. Let's eat cheese.
My new plan is to avoid reality until I finally lose my fucking mind.
Someone will break your heart but it will make you funnier and tougher, so I guess it's worthy.
Yes lady, your tits are really nice and distractive. Now put them away and help me build this tree house.
All I need is a million dollars so I can appreciate the little things in life better.
The love of your life got away while you were busy taking a selfie. Have a good day.
Find someone who thinks you are a good person and make them suffer for years.
Stop being genuine and funny, that's how people fall in love and you could die from that.
I always try to see the best in people. In your case is your ass. Nice.
Let's be honest. Most people suck. That's why we invented music to make life worth living.
Relationships should end with a rap battle and the loser should get a teardrop tattoo.
Bears are just men who were abandoned by their wives and haven't shaved since then.
I'm rarely offended because most things are irrelevant and I'm always busy thinking about my next meal.
Of course I'm afraid of women. THEY CAN MAKE YOU BELIEVE THEY'RE RIGHT EVEN WHEN THEY'RE WRONG. That's brilliant. And scary.