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My idea of drinking responsibly is using a fucking coaster.
You can't be fixed by the same person who broke you.
I want someone to love me for my mind, and fuck the living shit out of me. Is that too much to ask?
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot kill, the courage to blow up the things I can, and the wisdom to not get caught.
Stalking is where two people go for a long romantic walk together, but only one knows about it.
Today's life lesson: "I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing them off is a piece of cake."
Trying to please everyone is like masturbating and hoping someone else has a fucking orgasm.
I don't make bad decisions. I am one.
Life has never given me lemons. It has given me anger issues, anxiety attacks & a serious dislike for stupid motherfuckers.
I think I broke another psychiatrist.
I don't need to "manage" my anger. You just need to "manage" your fucking stupidity.
I would tell you to go fuck yourself but I'm pretty sure you'd be highly disappointed in your performance too.
Smoke one cigarette on the treadmill at the gym and everyone loses their fucking mind.
I'm really not miserable. I'm all peace, love and go fuck yourself.
Therapy is nice....but screaming fuck you, you motherfucking asshole at the top of your lungs for 10 seconds is faster & cheaper.
We can't change the shit that's been done to us, all we can do is survive it.
Screw Resolutions. No one likes a cheap, sober bitch that can run a fucking marathon anyway.
I love the way your voice sounds when you shut the fuck up.
Just grabbed a water out of my refrigerator and I swear I heard one of my bottles of wine scream....."what the fuck?"
I highly advise you not to fuck with me...I have a black belt in sarcasm.
I'm a real pain in the ass. If I offend you, you probably needed it. IG: Serialfuckup #KCCO. http://twitter.com/search?q=from:serialfuckup%
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