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I want someone to love me for my mind, and fuck the living shit out of me. Is that too much to ask?
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a fucking coaster.
Stalking is where two people go for a long romantic walk together, but only one knows about it.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot kill, the courage to blow up the things I can, and the wisdom to not get caught.
Today's life lesson: "I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing them off is a piece of cake."
Trying to please everyone is like masturbating and hoping someone else has a fucking orgasm.
I don't need to "manage" my anger. You just need to "manage" your fucking stupidity.
I don't make bad decisions. I am one.
I would tell you to go fuck yourself but I'm pretty sure you'd be highly disappointed in your performance too.
Hey you....yeah the one that tried to talk to me before I had my coffee....fuck off!
I highly advise you not to fuck with me...I have a black belt in sarcasm.
I love the way your voice sounds when you shut the fuck up.
Screw Resolutions. No one likes a cheap, sober bitch that can run a fucking marathon anyway.
I like to refer to myself as a "free spirit." I think that sounds way classier than an out of control drunk bitch.
"how to handle stress like a dog: if you can't eat it or play with it,
Pee on it and walk away."
Just grabbed a water out of my refrigerator and I swear I heard one of my bottles of wine scream....."what the fuck?"
Life has never given me lemons. It has given me anger issues, anxiety attacks & a serious dislike for stupid motherfuckers.
F.Y.I. If you don't like the word fuck why the fuck are you following someone with fuck in their name? You fucking cunt. Fuck.
Tip of the day:
Don't be a motherfucking douchebag.
My "sleep number" is 8 Jack & Cokes.
Ex-con, college graduate, fuck is my favorite word, but deep down I'm quite a lady. #KCCO! IG