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I'm Afraid It's Butter
Joke about Miley Cyrus being "annoying, joke about Lady Gaga being "talentless", joke about Kanye being "egotistical", haha I'm a good comic
If I only had three years to live, I'd probably kick it like I do now for two of em and then in that last year, I dunno, improv classes?
My favorite 90's sitcom was "Nothing Matters." That was the one with the nerdy neighbor whose catch phrase was "life is meaningless".
The word "pajamas" comes from the Latin "pajamas" meaning "pajamas".
When my girlfriend leaves town, I'm like a lost, bored puppy. Good thing I put all this newspaper down.
Obama shuts down heckler with hilarious, perfectly-timed drone.
Yeah I'm hating on Caddyshack. Also fuck Animal House. Why do people love a bad movie about a rowdy fraternity? You've all been tricked!
These kids today don't know shit about obscure stuff no gives a shit about! In my day, we gave a shit about that stuff!
I love starting shit with whole towns. You're next, Pensacola!
I love nursing home socials. They're a great place to meet old friends.
In the future, all books will be Geico commercials.
Banksy probably looks exactly like Waldo.
Damn, I can't believe Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata is already 212 years old.
I tried weed today for the billionth time.
If we all work together, one day every commercial could be for Geico.
First rule of sandwich club, eat a club sandwich.
Next on Malcolm into Metal, Lois and Hal get Malcolm a seven-string Ibanez for his birthday so he can achieve those sick doom tones.