It's tragic that Doogie Howser could cure everything but his own homosexuality

@fknvancouver Is this a veiled abortion joke?

I think we can all agree that January 2nd should be the official start to the new year. Nobody should have to start the way I did yesterday.

I left my soul in 2012

@aachovich this tweet is what twitter is all about. I mean, I couldn't really understand it, but I enjoyed the general spirit of it.

It's even more likely that you will die this year than it was this time last year. Think about it.

.@nealbrennan shit I just retweeted that way too fast

I admit to owning a keyboard. When can I expect to see my story in print? RT @time Michael Vick admits to owning a dog

@fknvancouver I bet she'd like to meet him too

@robdelaney This might be funny if I didn't know how to read