A who's on first bit but both performers are just distractedly muttering the word "homonym" over and over & slapping each other in the dick.

Mom... I'm getting married, it's not a girl..it's bacon..and it's not getting married, it's a murder spree..and it's not bacon it's everyone

No you SHITWITS! I'm a registered sex DEFENDER! *I brandish my dildo sword and shield as the cops repeatedly tazer me*

Sir its a resumé not a resume. You'll have to provide more than this close-up screenshot of the words "press start" in some old NES game.

What is the emoticon for white guilt?

@mattdidit Space son won't accept space dad's friend request on spacebook, skirts the issue by briniging up ionic propulsion when questioned

@boring_as_heck When her jaw hits the floor/ 'cause the baby's not yours/ that's-a Maury

#RIPBoxing tossed into a fucking lake. Tragic. RT if Pizza exists IRL.

It was all a dream/ I used to read cat fancy magazine/

I die and the money is thiers. All video footage proves my guilt.

a DM I sent: Send me pics of your nude form robot. Lay your circuits& servos bare for me to gaze upon. I want 2 set your relays all aflutter

#SpitGameToARandomFollower @mauracakes DEMARCATE GRID ON GROUND. EXPECTORATE @ GRID. AWARD POINT BASED ON GRID COORDINATES THIS IS SPIT GAME

One big wound/full of mad stitches/

@regisl NEITHER. TIME IS AN ARBITRARY FABRICATION

#FF yeah @arcturusfats tweets are cool, but mostly I follow bc I look up to his AV. Since my dad died his AV is my strong male role model.

@ptcruiserusa Fudge DR PT. http://t.co/pw4BIK00

@regisl WHITE_NOISE_COMING_FROM_BLACK_MAN.flv

@hermit_thrush_ I died, I'm dead :-( live life to the fullest guys cuz it's short and precious l. Now I'm a ghost..jus a ghost, doin tweets

Is forgetting about Dre one of the signs of a stroke?

@dnzlwshngtn DONZOL DONZOL DONZOL DONZOL DONZOL DONZOL DONZOL DONZOL *Holds up magnifying glass* heh, rad. DONZOL DONZOL DONZOL DONZOL DONZO