Goals for today:
Do not turn the animal flesh into charcoal;
Drink as much beer/ liquor as humanly possible;
Do not lose any fingers.

If you catch your wife masterbating and sexting her Twitter friends, is that grounds to demand a threesome?

Beautiful women are a geeks best nightmare.

"What does this button do?" - ex-favstar employee.

I miss my girl friend that I don't have.

When the lights go down and the cameras are off, you're just like any other porn star.

When is Twitter going to invent scented tweets?

Vaginas. Nature's perfect food.

If the best things in life are free, what are all these rich fuckers doing with all this great stuff?

Does anyone else get horny at work? Besides porn stars ..

Maybe people wouldn't complain so much about Mondays if they woke up with a pussy on their face or a dick in their mouth?

I'd walk a mile for a cameltoe.

Today is a no clothes action day. Ladies, do your part for the environment!

Does anyone else need a double shot of fuckyoumonday?

The boss keeps talking to the lady next to me. How am I suppose to tweet?

Ladies, this geek wants to know if there are any squirters in twitterland? How do you do that?

I just need a good woman. Someone to love, spend time with. Geeks need love too! #geektweet

Alcohol infused tweets are superior in effectiveness when the cellular device you are using is not submerged in the booze you are drinking

Today is national "Beat the shit out of your boss with your laptop because they moved up the deadline" day.

I've got nothing. Carry on.