Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Gay or straight, they've been soldiers this whole time. Glad the polititians stopped caring because the rest of us never have. Carry on.
eating a bowl of generic frosted flakes... they'rrrrrrrrrre alright, I guess
Women like to hear things like, I love you and you're so pretty, while men like to hear things like, you're not the father or I swallow.
Pure irony = choking on a lifesaver
Raise a boy, worry about one penis. Raise a girl, worry about every fucking penis out there. I only have so many hiding spots for the bodies
Some of you touch my heart... some of you tickle my funny bone... Most of you touch me in a way I need to describe with the court room doll.
I did NOT pee my pants! I was marking my territory. These pants are MINE!
I respect you, I'm just not 'in respect' with you.
I'm a firm believer a rapist should have his cock nailed to a tree stump, give him a butter knife and set the stump on fire.
If you have boobs and don't share them with the world, the terrorist win.
Things I know about women:
1. They smell nice
Gentle reminder to all of you out there new to sex toys; do not pull on anal beads like you're starting a lawn mower.
The world owes you nothing. Get over it. Get off your ass and earn your worth.
You ladies all want a man that can last in bed but in all fairness if you can't make him finish at your command you're not that good either.
3 phases on how I kill a snake; 1. Scream like a 6 yr old girl. 2. Sprint away while shitting my pants. 3. Throw grenade. Done and done.
Just added "award winning writer" to my resume. TotD's are awards
Guns don't kill people, gummy bears with giant battle axes kill people... Side note have you ever tried acid?
Never forget, freedom isn't free. However blow jobs can be. Remember the soldiers, police, firefighters and first responders ladies.
I have zero 100 star tweets but I have a hundred 1 star tweets. Winning!
In the bedroom she told me she could take it all... A few short months later she proved it in the divorce.
I wear uniforms the govt supplies... I carry weapons sometimes... mostly I hurt with words... I AM the droid you're looking for.